July 26, 2013

my days are numbered.

Every time I meet someone I've known since the first day I started working, more often than not, I'll be asked the same question, "Still there?" or "Same Unit?".
And the answer to that is always, "Yes."
Not really sure if it's a good or a bad thing that I've been at the same Division for the past 5 years and the same Unit for the past 4 years or so… but lately I've been doing some serious thinking.
I came to the conclusion that I'm in dire need of change.
Not that there's anything wrong where I'm working, or that I hate the subject matter or that there are clashes in personality (well, there are some clashes, but that should hardly come as a surprise, we are all different anyhows) or that I'm so miserable, so much so that I can die of misery… but every now and then, we just need a breath of fresh air.
Yes, change to me had become a necessity rather than a want.
Then, I got my promotion (Alhamdulillah after 5 long years of so much hard work you have no idea) and it was then that I was told that change would come. Only it didn't.
How did that make me feel? A lil' amused, confused and honestly, a tad bit relieved as well… because as much as I was craving for some change, change did at the very least scare me.
So work went on as usual. I stopped packing my stuff after 2 other Transfer Orders came out without my name on it and I resigned to the fact that maybe, just maybe, this isn't my time yet.
Fast forward 2 weeks later.
A TO came out with… wait for it… my name (FINALLY) on it.
After 5 very long years, I will finally be leaving this place, this floor, this workstation of mine with 5-year worth of documents lying around every nook and cranny of it.
It's been a bittersweet journey, this - and I plan to make the last few days here as memorable and as enjoyable as possible. Plus, after 5 years, you can only start to imagine the amount of things I have to pack and throw and shred and file and upload so that I can go with clean hands, so to speak, without leaving behind unnecessary burdens to those who remain (yes, someone unabashedly left her things with me and I don't know what to do with them as they've never been reclaimed until now).
Which is why… I'm trying my best to just keep my calm and cool, even though something absurd is happening right now (I totally cannot brain it), with there being only 3 working days left for me here.
Here's to hoping that my numbered days will be happy ones.
Le sigh…


Anonymous said...

All the best nisa. I still remember the day you told me about what your boss asked you, the whole "anywhere even U**S?". Finally yeah? Dont worry dear. You'll sure love it there. Just as how I felt last year, bet you'll feel the same way too. Part of felt a bit sad as I was leaving the good friends I had. But part of me was excited because I get to learn something new.

Nnti catch up ya. Sedihnya you all had the catch up session with fai without me.

Oh well, selamat berpuasa dear

the Sojourner said...

Congratulations on the promotion and all the best :)
Where will you be going to?
i've been a silent reader of your blog all this while, and rooting for you in your honesty and love for your family and son.
Stay safe and selamat berpuasa :) Petrina
(if you remember me that is, haha!)

Haneesa said...

Myra: yes, finally! i actually have mixed feelings but i'm leaving with happy thoughts and going with an open mind. wish me luck!

Petrina: I'm going to UKAS.. not so far from here and not much different i've been told, but at least it's a change, hehe. and of course i remember you! thanks for reading :)