May 21, 2013

mixed feelings.

I have so many other things that I actually want to write about at the moment but I can't seem to. And to be honest, I don't think I ever will be able to until and unless I get this "bit" off of my chest.

Recently (like right after I wrote this post last 2 weeks), my life all of a sudden became... for want of better word... "happening". I was presented with one news after another with not much of a breather (or good news) if I might add and that has somewhat rendered me speechless and overwhelmed me on so many levels.

Out of all the "happenings", one of them was actually, actual good news. The news came about at just the nick of time and I should have gone over the moon over such news, but to be honest, that one piece of good news was the one thing that left me with mixed feelings. 

For the whole week after I came to know of such news, I prayed for some kind of enlightenment or revelation of some sort. Normally at times like these, I would talk things out with my husband but seeing how hard he's worked to achieve such good news, I didn't want to burden him with my silly insecurities and uncertainties. 

Until yesterday.

Yesterday, he asked me a question I've been silently asking myself. He sort of took the words right out of my mouth and echoed my thoughts precisely. To be honest, I've never really seen that side of him so I was (pleasantly?) surprised. I really never knew.

So, after talking things out and feeling a tad more confused than when we initially began trashing things out, he asked me out of the blue,

"You wanna take a drive?"

For someone who's been quarantined for 10 days (more on that later), I unhesitatingly obliged, very much happy with his temporary solution.

***

From where I'm sitting, I have a clear unobliterated view of the Putrajaya skyline at night. In the mornings, I see the most beautiful sunrises.

Where we may be moving, my view will be someone else's house. Every single day and night. 

From where I'm now living, I can hear the Azan clearly and get free tazkirah while I'm cooking dinner because the surau is directly below our block.

Where we may be moving... it's not as close. 

Yes, my dilemma is about us moving to another place (unfortunately still not our own), which commensurates with our actual entitlement.

Ironically, although this change is (or could be) for the better and something we've both looked forward to, we're both of 2 minds about whether or not we should move. I've started packing our stuff bit by bit by bit but yeah, that's more because I don't want to do things at the very last minute and not because I am excited.

I don't know why I'm feeling this way and I suspect it's because I've grown really attached to this place and for many good reasons too.

I spent the last 2 years plus living in this house and making it home.

I started a family here.

I spent a week of my confinement and the final month of my maternity leave here.

I spent 6 months alone with my son in this house; crying, laughing, fighting and playing with each other.

Oh man, moving is expensive alright!

I don't see the need to have more furniture but the new place requires loads of new furniture to fill in spaces. 

There's so many other silly reasons that I can think of and of course I'm aware that new memories can be made at the new home too, but as for now, my silly thinking says that I don't think I'll love it there as much as I do HERE.

Gah.

After taking that drive with my husband last night, we both concluded that we're both probably a tad too fussy about things. So, last night we resolved to just move first and see how things go.

Today though, we both started asking each other more questions and the "best" thing is... I've put my packing on hiatus. He he he.

We've got 3 weeks to decide and I hope that by then, we'll both come to a decision.

Whatever that decision may be.

home.

2 comments:

livingblossoms said...

hey kakak,

Congrats on the good news, whatever it may be :) You're an awesome working mom that has gone through so much so you deserve every bit of good news coming your way! :D

Anyway about the move, I've done a lot of moving houses since I've been here so theres a few things I personally consider before embarking on a new move..maybe it'll help you a little?

-Have you seen your new future house (inside and out) and the neighbourhood? Is the house to your liking in terms of space, utilities and safety, compared to your old house?
-Can you imagine you n your family living there, your son playing in the living room, you cooking in the kitchen..
-Do you know someone from that particular area that might shed some light on how it would be like to live there? Hows the traffic, surau etc?
-Hows the distance to your workplace, any extra costs in terms of petrol or tol etc?
-How will the move effect you financially and will it be worth it? What if you don't take the offer, will this effect future entitlements or will you be in fact be saving some money? Is it possible to try it out for a few days first before moving in?


Ultimately, if after reviewing everything and if you're still indecisive, I think that choosing what makes you both happy is important, be it in your old home or building a new one. If you are happy, I am sure iA the rest will fall into place. Also, trust your instincts, they're usually a very good indicator when making decisions like this.

Hope this helps, good luck!! xxx

Haneesa said...

heyya there!

it's been a while since i heard from you so i hope everything's okay over there.

thanks for sharing your tips dear, we'll surely take them into account in making our decision.

hehehe..

you take care now and keep in touch :)