January 02, 2013

pomp and circumstance.

If you’re a regular on this space, you’d know how big I am on dates. Yes dates; both the verb and noun. I’ve always believed that they don’t come round often and obviously come with no repeats, thus they must be commemorated as best as possible.

So, I chose to get married on 01.01.11, two years ago.

Ushering in the New Year with such an important event is wonderful. It’s the best thing to do because it's impossible to forget. Yet, that is also one of the worst features about getting married on New Year’s Day – you forgo every other celebration to make way for something way more important, thus causing a huge void in your heart when you’re forced to make way for things that cannot be changed.

Obviously, I wanted this year to be better than the last, but, oh well.

Am I even making sense here, you think?

So, I celebrated my 2nd Anniversary alone. Well, sort of.

I was basically dealing with a clingy baby who refused to be left alone and because of that, he didn’t want to sleep. Because of that, I became agitated and he obviously sensed it and it made things so much worse. At one point, I had to take a breather and left him to cry in the playpen. And when I walked back into the room, he gave me the most dazzling toothy smile like he was so pleased to see me. I literally melted so I picked him up, planted kisses and blew bubbles on his cheeks and tummy. And soon after, we dozed off together.

At some point yesterday, after I had chowed down millions of empty calories for quick energy, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. I strapped my baby onto his car seat and went off to Alamanda for dinner. During dinner, we did our own stuff and kept to ourselves. We had both been focussing so much of our energy, love and attention on each other, not just yesterday but also for the past 3 months or so, especially and I needed that time off. And I kind of think that my baby appreciated that too.

My husband was so surprised that I let my baby entertain himself during dinner, but hey, I’m only human.

Basically that was how I spent the day. Alone, tired and hungry.

Yet, despite being alone, I longed for that moment of solitude. For that rare moment when I’m not running the house or slipping away from my baby to get a chore done or for that moment of uninterrupted time in front of my laptop.

About 10 minutes to midnight on 01.01.2013, I switched on my laptop and drafted 2 posts, both of which sounded sofake. In the end, all I could think about is my baby’s toothy smile and his masham smell.

I switched off my laptop and joined him on the bed, dozing off while watching him sleep.

Soon after, he woke up searching for me and came crawling towards me with his eyes closed.

At that point, all waterworks broke loose. I should have been more grateful. After all, there is no one else on earth who could offer me such pure and unconditional love even after how I acted.

I may be the victim of circumstance, but he shouldn’t have become the victim of my emotions.

There’s always next year. Insya Allah.

my hot date.

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