August 01, 2012

12 days after.

“Count your blessings to find what you look for.”

I am peeved.

Mama said the reason I always feel this way is because I am naturally competitive. So, in the face of over competitiveness and over zealousness and over enthusiasm by others, I tend to get agitated. When in actual fact, I’m actually looking at myself. Difference is I might have a slightly more pleasant personality, which makes me a lot easier to deal with I guess?

Funny how much of ourselves we really hate, right?

I wonder how people view me. They must really hate me sometimes, don’t they?

Today marks the 12th day since the 21 July 2012. Though met with awkward stares from colleagues who thought I was a new officer for the first 2 days, the transition from ye old Hanisa to the new me has been smooth sailing, Alhamdulillah. And the power of aurat is that even my husband is excited seeing me choosing and wearing different types and styles of hijab every day. Must be exciting after knowing a hijab-less me for 7 years?

Besides, I noticed that rezeki melimpah-ruah since my transition. So many good things happened to me. So many people have been oh so kind to me. And so many blessings in disguise have passed my way.   

Mama was right (once again and always is). I have everything to be thankful for. I have been blessed with so many wonderful things and yet, I hesitated to do this one thing Allah has commanded me to. “What’s stopping you, girl?” she asked me one day. And I couldn’t answer. Because she is right. There really wasn’t anything stopping me anymore. There really shouldn’t be anything stopping me.

So here I am.

Every now and then, when I get as pissed as I am right now, I remind myself of this transition; of this new found peace which has made me calmer in a lot of ways. It makes me think of the “tag” I have voluntarily stuck to myself, which makes me stop in my tracks each time I feel like saying a bad thing or having a bad thought. I thought I had it covered, but clearly, even with the devils tucked safely away from me, my nafsu amarah sometimes, just sometimes gets the best of me.

Time really flies and we’re almost half way through our Ramadan already.

I really don’t want to spend it angry, so I’ll leave it all at that.

Here’s to many more happy days, insyaAllah.

Much love, as always!

Shy to comment? Well, never mind! Your reactions mean the world to me! Make me smile today :)


Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you Neesa. Family's been asking me the same 'What's stopping me?'. I don't know myself but I really do want to make that change. Please doa for me and will see you and baby soon. *promise*.


Haneesa said...

Darling! I miss you so! Sangat boring these days tak dapat nak crash someone's place when I meeting at IAD. Dahlah lately ni kerap je meeting downstairs. hehehe.

I do hope and pray for the best for you. InsyaAllah, bila dah ready sangat-sangat, you tak akan fikir lain except nak pakai je.

Please do come see us! Luqman dah besar dah now so he'll be glad to see his Aunty Myra for sure :)

Take care dear. Seeya around!

Nina said...

Alhamdullillah ;) Tak sangke we started wearing hijab on the same day ;P hehe I actually wanted to start wearing it after I dah "kumpul" hijabs and revamp my wardrobe.. but then I thought, the more I delay it, the more it doesnt feel right because I am ready and I know it's a sin to not cover our aurat as my mom keeps telling me all over and over again PLUS I have no opportunity to shop at all since Ariana's around, so don't know how long it'd take until I am satisfied with the number of hijab/attire I have in my wardrobe. So I took the leap .. Now I need luck and TIME to buy hijab and proper attire..

You are right... I notice that rezeki melimpah-limpah since I wore hijab... Something that I sincerely did not foresee. ;)

Cheers to the new changes and to more happy days =D

Haneesa said...

Nina - Alhamdulillah, we finally took the leap :). And you know what... my excuses previously were just the same as yours. Need to buy tudung la, need to change wardrobe la... We are so full of alasan kan hehehe.

But I'm glad we finally did it anyhow because you're right. The more delay, the more berat hati we will be. And the opportunity just goes away.

Here's to more happy days, insyaAllah :).

Kisses to Ariana for me :)

Anonymous said...

you look like auntie kelly... so sweet :) hehehe... send my regards to her and adik :)

Anonymous said...

it's me, aera.... lupe plak nk type td... my previous comment look like a stalker commenting on ur post... hehe... take care kakak :)

Haneesa said...

Aera - ke mana tumpahnya kuah kalau tak ke nasik ye dak? hahahah. insyaAllah will do when i meet them. you take care too :)

soleil m said...

salam kakak
i'm your blog reader but how come i missed this post!

anyway, congratulations! i'm so happy for u, nearly shed some tears. over takkk? but really, i'm so happy for u, from the courage u've to change to something much better. most importantly, something yang Allah suka, mahu & redha

Alhamdulillah. selamat berpuasa! and peluk cium to the baby!

soleil m said...

i mean, i'm your loyal blog reader. excited sangat menaip. hehe!

Haneesa said...

Wsalam! Thank you for being such a loyal reader :) Selamat hari raya to you and may we all have blessed celebrations, insyaAllah :)