office politics

I can’t even start to describe how terrible I feel about this entire thing. I’ve never felt so lowly, not to mention cheap. I’ve never known myself to be the type of person who would buy herself out of something because I know I am the type who accepts her wrong, even if the mistake I made was due to sheer stupidity. And I have never known myself to be the type of person who would succumb to the kind of pressure I am now succumbing to; the type that gives the satisfaction to a particular type of “people” of knowing how freaking affected I am by them.

I hate Honours. I hate it because of the office politics. I hate it because my brain capacity is not put to good use. I hate it that my type of soft-skills will not get me through this extremely tough time. I hate it that this is the most crucial time of my life and that I need to surrender and compromise in areas in which I do not wish to do so. I simply hate the way things operate.

I know that probably a lot of people are clueless as to what I am babbling about. So, let me enlighten you. Have you ever been forced to go to an annual dinner? Have you ever been coerced to cooperate with a bunch of stuck up snobs who don’t give a damn who you are and think that the universe revolves around them, who expect everyone to pay to them an exorbitant amount? Have you ever been told in the rudest way possible that your attendance to a particular annual dinner would determine whether or not you would graduate?

Probably you all think that I’m exaggerating about the part where my non-attendance will affect the way in which I graduate. You probably think I’m making things up when I say that I most probably will fail a particular paper if I don’t go to this stupid annual dinner. But you probably don’t know what’s going on in the Faculty. You have no idea the extent to which some people would strive to get what they want because they are so used to getting what they want. And to top that, you have no idea what the people “upstairs” are capable of doing… things like failing students due to non-academic-related things, perhaps.

It sucks. It really does. These things give me unnecessary stress that I definitely do not need. Though I might not be in much of a financial problem as compared to some people whose problems are real, I know for a fact that the RM 85.00 that I have forked out to get myself out of failing a paper for non-academic reasons could be put to better use… like filling in my petrol, or buying myself a new cartridge, perhaps?

And the fact that I am so adamant about not going tells me something. I may not be the most superstitious person on planet earth and I normally don’t spot signs before something happens. But this particular event, I have doubts about a lot of things. Kalau ikut kata orang Melayu, “tak sedap hati”, macam tulah. I hate the fact that our money would be channeled into calling some Zouk DJ to host the “after-party” which I would not be staying for because that definitely is NOT my kind of thing. I think that if these people are so in need of entertainment as such, they should have a private party at a club where they would enjoy themselves without having to do so at the expense of other people.

Tak pernah fikir ke ha? If the police suddenly comes and raids the after-party? Have they never thought of the fact that people might abuse that particular time to use drugs and booze and stuff like that? Did it ever cross their minds the inappropriateness of such parties since the date of the dinner itself is just 3 days prior to Ramadhan?

I may not be the most pious person and I am definitely not one of those extreme conservatives. But hey, even I know my limits. Did it ever cross their minds, all of the things I mentioned above? Did it ever cross their minds to at least ask if we agreed to the things they had planned? I know that it’s virtually impossible to make everyone happy, but some courtesy of asking some other people’s opinion and consent would have been nice. So much for wanting to teach soft-skills. The organizers should look in the mirror and see what rude people they are before trying to preach to the rest of us about soft-skills.

It tires me just thinking about all of this. I hate all of this. I hate all of the politics. I hate it that the only way around the world is by using the root of all evil; MONEY. I hate it that I have surrendered though I very much wanted to hold on to the very last thread. I hate the fact that I made some petty, silly, technical mistakes, which actually does not amount to failing, but would result me in failing due to circumstances totally out of my control. I hate all of the things that are going on around me. Get me out of here.