you're simply the best

I had quite a productive morning today and now that my batteries are running a little bit low, I decided that I deserve a break.

I'm thinking of whether or not I should get some coffee, but considering that it might only arrive in 30 minutes at least, I'm contemplating against it. But then again, you know how sometimes you can just taste that something something that you've been craving for as if it's already there in your mouth? Yeah... that's what I'm experiencing right now, so I might as well just get it?

I don't know.

I've lost count of how many weeks it has been -- both the MCO and the number of weeks since my transfer to this new Division (if you hadn't already figured out what I was yapping about in my crazy cryptic 8 Weeks In Post). But due to my productive morning, I have been able to console and convince myself that I am not as much of as a loser as I initially thought I was and that for now, I'm doing my best. 

And sometimes, that's all there is to it.

But what is considered "doing my best?"

Of late, I've had to come face to face with the fact that "my best" may not be up to mark with another person's definition of "the best". Likewise, I may not appreciate someone else's "best efforts" as "the best". And trying to accept the difference in standard requires so much effort. In fact, it sometimes requires too much effort.

I've also noticed that sometimes, when I give "my best", people take me for a ride because they somehow know that I will get things done, even when I didn't have to, even when I say that I don't want to -- simply because I always do. And while I know that somehow or rather, in one way or another, this will work in my favour, I can't help but wonder if that is the reason why I always burn out so fast at work. Like I said in my previous post, I once weathered the challenges at another department in Menara Usahawan despite loathing the subject matter then and look at the great places that that took me! 

But still, I wish I knew how to slow down while at the same time, I wish that I had more tolerance towards the difference in standard of what "the best" should be. Until then, let's just end today on that note because I really didn't mean for this post to be so serious anyway.