January 09, 2016

we've been down this road before.


Exactly a week ago, The Real Day came

I remember how we delayed the departure with our 1001 excuses -- until -- it just wasn't safe or sensible to do so anymore and that's when we finally parted ways

I told you that I would never get used to it (and frankly I don't think I'm going to try hehe), so that you knew why I was crying -- and after knowing me for so long, you knew that I was better off crying anyway

Because we've been down this road before. 

We already know that it doesn't get any easier -- we just get better. We get better at managing whatever that needs to be managed -- like our expectations -- our time -- our relationship -- ourselves. 

Like today for example, despite telling myself to take things slow, I actually woke up super early to cook and get some laundry done. I even managed to slot a catnap in between while my son minded himself. I've been down this road before. I know that the only way for me to get things done in the way I want them done is by putting in some extra hours -- which can either be through staying up or rising early. And of course, being the morning person that I am, I'd choose to rise early. That, or I should really consider getting myself some permanent domestic help, especially with Adik Baby on the way.

Well, anyways. It's been a week since The Real Day and things have been... okay? My emotional state is of course, rather questionable but hey, I'm 25 weeks pregnant -- most 25-week pregnant women I know get emotional over the silliest things so I'll grant myself some leeway for all the unexplainable tears I've cried. 

Sometimes -- I'm reminded of how I just stood by the front door, not budging until your headlights disappeared. 

Sometimes -- I think about how wrong it felt to switch the porch lights off because we never do that until everyone of us is home.

Sometimes, I am reminded of October; some other times those 10 days in December. 

Sometimes, I'm overwhelmed with how empty your side of the bed is and how we both seem to not encroach into it, you know, just in case you show up in the middle of the night. 

So, yes, my emotional state is rather questionable. But we've been through this before.

And God willing, we will survive this one too -- hopefully unscathed.

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