March 25, 2015

surviving this last leg.

83/365.

These days, I have an incessant need to munch on something. Something sweet. All the time.

Oh, no, I'm not pregnant, so you can stop the speculating. 

According to my husband, who once attended this particular event which talked about what your cravings mean (I don't think that it was an event specifically for that reason, no. Just in case you're wondering), when you crave sweet things all the time, you are stressed. 

And based on that premise, it means that I am stressed out all the time. Because (under normal circumstances) I don't snack, I don't like to munch in between meals and I most certainly don't crave sweet things in the middle of the night. Only lately, I do.

But I'm smiling all the time, according to one of our staff members. She found it both amusing and amazing that I could, under this very stressful work environment, laugh it all out like nothing in the world bothered me. Thing is, do I have a choice?

Due to my crazy all the time cravings, I backtracked my movements and activities to the recent past weeks. Have I really been under too much pressure or am I aggravating my stress levels more by writing on my blog about a potentially non-existent pressure?

And the truth is that I think I've bitten off more than I can chew.

There's just way too many things on my plate right now and I don't know where to start.

I find myself wanting to be perfect, yet hating the very idea of the perfect person which other women advocate that other women should be. I find myself hating to eat out but also hating the thought of having to clean up after the meal. I find myself wanting a clean house but wanting nothing to do with the process of cleaning the house. We're at the last leg of renovations but I can't seem to muster the motivation needed to clean and pack our current house for the big move. And these conflicts really are just the tip of the iceberg. There's so much more tangled thoughts in my head, I don't even want to go there. 

I realise that whatever challenges it is that I am going through at the moment is for a better future, in sha Allah. But I've got to say that coming to terms with that fact is rather taxing. It's both funny and unnerving seeing myself like this especially since I self-declared myself to be the Energizer Bunny, who supposedly never runs out of batteries. 

When this phase this over (hopefully not long from now), I really do think I need a recharge, whatever form that may be in. 

But for now, I'm going to need all the luck and energy I can get to finish the last leg of this run.


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