Pouring my heart out (read: here) was a good move. Not only was I able to see what it was that was bugging me so much, it also, in a way, enabled my husband to help me save myself.
I know it sounds dramatic and I know that many people fear of talking about how motherhood sometimes takes a toll on them, for fear of being labelled ungrateful which I frankly sometimes fear as well, but let's face it; it does sometimes take a toll on you in a way you never imagined it would.
I guess my husband understood that, or maybe he didn't but he still acted like he did, and decided to extend a helping hand - by proving to me that I needed a break.
Of course he didn't suggest a beach getaway or anything of the sort (he knew I would resist the idea of leaving Luqman behind), but instead he suggested that we spend just a couple of hours running errands and grocery shopping together, while Luqman was busy following his Atuk around for an evening ride. That I could live with, I thought.
You see, the reason behind my hesitance is because I am just not used to dropping my baby off at somebody else's place, under somebody else's care, just so I could go out on a date with my husband. I just can't bear the thought. Sure his grandparents love it when he's around, but that doesn't mean I should take them for a ride, right?
After much deliberation (still!), I decided Luqman wouldn't miss us too much while we're gone since he'd be out too. Plus, he wasn't at all pleased when he saw his Atuk getting into the car without him and I wasn't about to put up a fight with Luqman for that.
So, off we went. For just a couple of hours.
And though we were shopping for diapers, speed shopping some other groceries and toiletries, and basically didn't buy anything much (since we bought a little something something at Mac City which cost a bomb, ehem), those couple of hours away from my baby made me appreciate him even more. Of course, the uninterrupted "jalan-jalan pegang tangan macam muda mudi punya zaman" with my husband in a way rekindled our relationship too.
Turns out that all I needed was a break.
Even if it was that kind of break.
I came back a happier person, "saved" from the brink of "insanity".
Good for me!