we're always dreaming in our heads.

The angels they burn inside for us

Are we ever

Are we ever gonna learn to fly

The devils they burn inside of us

Are we ever gonna come back down

Come around

I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

-Dishwalla

I woke up startled (very, very) early this morning. Not surprising though, considering how... startling my dream was – I dreamt that I lost my teeth. First, some of the ones at the back and then just before I woke up, one tooth on the front row came off (please look it up on the internet to see what my dream means, I’m too scared to even copy-paste it). I was quite the sight, I tell you. Scary would certainly be an understatement.

Naturally, I checked the time when I woke up. It was way too early to do anything at that point. Well, way too early if you stay AND work in Putrajaya anyways. And since I’ve ironed all our working clothes for today, even prepared breakfast, I thought I’d take a short nap. But before that, I woke my husband up though, because I needed him to charge my phone for me. Don’t ask me why he has to be the one to do it, I won’t explain. From his alarmed facial expression waking up, I must have scared him to bits.

Sorry babe, I really didn’t mean to give you a false alarm.

I attended a meeting in the morning (which surprisingly turned out well) and happy with the outcome, I thought I’d give myself a treat. In my head, I would run upstairs (obviously that’s just figurative speech, I can’t possibly run up, if still blur, please refer post below), grab my keys and head off to some place I could be alone with a book, sip on some expensive coffee and munch on the yummiest choc-bananah muffin I’ve tasted so far.

The reality?

I’d have to wait for the elevator (which doesn’t take that long really, but still), unlock the door to my room, grab the car keys, get back on the elevator, walk to the carpark (which is out in the blazing sun), put keys in the ignition, wait for the car to heat up a bit, drive myself to Alamanda, get myself a parking spot, walk to the shop to first check out if there’s actually a place for this heavily pregnant lady to land her big bum and if there wasn’t, I’d have to place my orders to-go and look for an alternative spot to spend some time with my book. And the consequence of that is that I’d probably receive multiple stares from everyone in Alamanda. Loneliness (or loners or whatever it is) aren’t perceived that well in Putrajaya, by the way. And oh, I’d have to leave Alamanda by at least 2.00 p.m. in order to arrive at the office at a decent time, find a good parking spot at the office carpark and go back up the elevator.

So there. After considering the reality against the romantic idea of spending my Friday afternoon alone with a book, expensive coffee and a muffin, here I am.

We’re always dreaming in our head. But do we all consider the reality against our dreams?

We’re always dreaming in our head. But how much can we depend on our dreams? Was my dream just a really bad nightmare, or could it be that it’s a sign? After all, people do say that, “when one comes, another one goes”. It’s like a “replacement/recycling scheme” to put it loosely.

And as much as I know that the only sure thing in life is us “going”, God Forbid, I’m not ready for that kind of dugaan. Really. No matter how bad of a person I’ve been of late, I really hope that that dream was a mere dream. Or could it be that... (??!) Okay, I won’t say it out loud, my husband would go ballistic.

Or, my dream could have meant that... next time I shouldn’t make fun of my husband’s teeth right before going to bed. Because that’s exactly what I did.

Of course, that was just my attempt at making myself feel better.

Though honestly, it doesn’t make me feel any less scared.

if I was to give in - give it up - and then

take a breath - make it deep

cause it might be the last one you get

be the last one
that could make us cold 

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