July 11, 2016

90 days after.

Yesterday, my 90-day Maternity Leave ended... hence here I am today in the office, with only 3 other people. So it does sort of feel like I'm still on leave... only in work clothes?


Feels so weird to be back.

Probably because I know that I'm only here to pack my things before I go off again (yes yes, I'm leaving this place but more on that later).

Life has been... roller-coaster-ish since I gave birth to my baby girl. There have been crazy highs and crazy lows and every day, I can't remember what happened yesterday.

Not sure if that's a bane or a boon but my policy right now is to take it a day at a time -- and to be thankful for whatever that gets me through the day.

Because honestly, I can't keep up.

I forgot how unpredictable life can be with a baby after having left that world for so long.

I also forgot how different each child can be -- even if I bore them both in my womb.

Baru tadi at around 10 a.m., Atiya Ayesha's school called me informing me that she refused her teat -- on the day I defrosted a good 18 oz of milk *sigh*. So, after the second SOS, I drove to her Taska, just to check on her. She was already asleep -- they said, probably out of hunger.

Thing is... I know my daughter. She would never sleep hungry! And... she would never let me go without asking for you-know-what if she was really hungry! Hahaha. Cuma,  when I sent her during the trial run before Raya, she would consume a minimum of 24 oz of milk from 8 a.m. until 4 p.m., hence why her teachers panicked when she refused her milk.

Turns out, she was just really sleepy and settled down soon after we swaddled her. She wasn't even bothered when she heard my voice calling her name. So, I left, hoping that she would be okay.

Never had this kind of problem with her brother so this kind of experience kind of puts me back into the shoes of a first time mom. Haha.

Well, anyways. I need to pump. This entry is obviously all over the place. Pretty much like how my brain feels.

Hoping that tomorrow would be a better day ;)

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