this hits too close to home.

You know how on some days you feel like doing absolutely NOTHING? 

Yeap.

Today is that day for me. 

"Today, I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to lay in my bed."

Sounds familiar? 

Yeap. 

The day didn't begin badly, no. It began as it always does. But for some reason, by the time it was nearly 8 a.m. (so early, I know!!!), I was already losing my patience. I was gritting my teeth; annoyed with the constant wailing/whining of my son. In fact, at one point, I even told him I felt like slapping him. Of course I didn't, but I had to say it out loud so that it would sound so sinister that it would SLAP ME back into reality. 

Today is just one of those days.

And today is passing by SO S.L.O.W.L.Y.

***

Unless you're really and I mean REALLY ignorant, you would know that MAS' craft MH370 vanished early Sunday morning. Today is the 5th day of search and rescue operations, with no real clue as to what really happened. Everyone is beginning to get on everybody else's nerves and I'm annoyed with the social media (especially) and the mainstream media is catching up with the cheap publicity they are gaining for sensationalizing "news" . 

I'm so affected by this incident. I really am. 

I keep thinking, "That could have been anyone of us."

My husband, prior to leaving Service, told me of his intention to join MITI, if he had the chance. He felt like he needed the international exposure to make him a better officer and I agreed. I agreed that he do whatever necessary to improve his career. But he left Service anyway, upon receiving a better offer. 

And that Public Servant on board could have been my husband "seeking for international exposure" in Beijing. And just yesterday, he took the words right out of my mouth, "That could have been me, love.", he said solemnly.

My sister just left for Queensland a couple of weeks back; she got stranded in Melbourne because they couldn't catch the connecting flight to Queensland (they're okay now! got the next flight out!). Even so, I was so worried because it was the first time she was travelling without a chaperone. At least when she went to LA there were teachers around. I was so worried about her. 

And that could have been my sister on board, furthering her studies abroad, in hopes of becoming an architect. 

I haven't travelled in the longest time now. My mom tells me that Beijing is beautiful, especially in winter, albeit the cold weather. 

That could have been me, wanting to experience cold weather abroad. In fact that could have been my whole family on board, hoping for some fun family time away from home.

It could have been anyone of us. 

This incident hits too close to home.

***

"Alright, good night." were the last words uttered by the Captain. 

I keep wondering what really happened. There were no distress calls, no nothing. It just disappeared into thin air. 

While people think that's the most illogical thing to have happened (which I sometimes think too), this incident proves to us that there is a greater being than any of us combined. The most advanced technologies are used in this Search and Rescue Operations and yet, all the answers to the leads found have been "negative". They could not find anything, not a trace of evidence. What other logical explanation could there be? 

This reminds me of that fateful day in Hyde Park, at the Public Speaking Corner. The speaker was a Muslim and he was talking about faith in Allah. As he was making his point, one of the members of the audience interrupted by asking him, "If your car breaks down in the middle of the road, who do you call? The mechanic or Allah? How do you prove that Allah exists?"

At the time, I didn't properly understand the concept of Qadar dan Qada' and I was so afraid of conflict that I ran away from that spot. I never got to know what the Muslim man's answer was.

Now that my mom has retired from work, she has more time to attend religious classes, so she shares with me the things she learns  - 

"People often misunderstand the concept of Qadar dan Qada'."

People often quote "Dah nak jadi, nak buat macam mana. (it was fated, what can I do)" without properly understanding the whole concept of Qadar and Qada'. The simplest example is when people don't have money. They would often say that, "Dah memang rezeki aku macam ni, nak buat macam mana." Not that it's entirely wrong, but it is wrong if someone says that, while in reality that person is not putting any effort into gaining some income. Do you think that money will fall from the sky, just by you sitting on the prayer mat praying for money to come? No! You have to put in EFFORT and PRAY that your efforts would be blessed and that your prayers would be answered. Likewise when someone is sick who says the same thing. If you have not been watching your diet and your lifestyle, how can you say that Allah was the one who made you sick? These are among the things that my mom learns from her classes.

 Remember "Segala yang baik daripada Allah, yang buruk daripada diri kita sendiri?. Yes. From my apartment unit, I can hear the tazkirah at the surau, so while cooking dinner, I normally get free classes as well. The ustaz also says the same thing; that Allah is not the giver of bad things. Allah will always give us what is good for us; if it turns out to be bad, you either brought it upon yourself or there is actual goodness in the thing we deem as bad. 

Am I making sense here? Of course your head is right now running with thoughts of, "how unqualified this person is to talk about these things" and "what the hell does this have to do with anything". So, I'll just cut to the chase - this; this whole incident of the aircraft vanishing - is Qadar. It has been ordained by Allah as such, because as you can see, there's nothing you can do about it vanishing. IT JUST DID, WITHOUT A TRACE.

What you can do now is - to put in efforts to search for it. And to pray, and I mean pray, not just hashtag #prayforMH370 for the sake of jumping onto the bandwagon or because it's cool for everyone to see your oh-so-cute selfies (the worst kind, really!) because remember the concept of  "Usaha, Doa, Tawakkal"? Apply it here. You can't change Allah's Qadar (about it vanishing, because it just did), but you can probably change the fate of that craft by putting in efforts into finding it. And even if your effort is through prayer (not that you can do anything more than that unless you're part of the rescue team), then, PRAY.

Whoever your god is, please, just pray. It's the least (probably most in this case) that you can do.  

So here's to hoping that the craft will be found, in whatever state Allah deems best. 

Altogether, Amin now.  

***