May 29, 2012

who's to blame.

Essentially, when children misbehave, we, as parents, are to blame. Really, we really are. I read this in some book and I've got to say that I agree. The only time we actually pay attention to our children is when they - cry, throw tantrums, break something, mess things up or do things to that effect. It's then that we run to them to console them, scold them, tell them off and in some extremely necessary situations, hit them, just enough to teach them.

Bottom line is, whether or not the attention we give is good or bad, we only give attention to our children when they are up to no good. When they are behaving, we hardly ever sit down with them to tell them what a good person they are or how smart they are or how grateful we are that they are behaving.

In other words, the signal that we send to our children is that "I will only pay attention to you when you do something bad." And this is ingrained in their minds from a very young age. So, is it any wonder when even my 8-week old knows that the only way to get his Mama's attention is by crying.

Of course some would argue that that's all he knows for now... but trust me, my boy's not the type to throw tantrums for no real reason. More often than not, it's one of 3 things - hunger, wet diaper or the weather is bothering him. I can, most of the time, leave him with his toys and he will self-entertain.

But of late, I noticed that he cannot last longer than a few minutes on his own before he starts crying for attention. And being his Mama, I know that most of the time, it's not because of one of the 3 reasons aforementioned that he cries. Most of the time, he just wants me to come over to him and have me hover over him and talk to him and agah him until he is happy.

This is because I stopped playing with him whenever he is in a good mood. When he is in a good mood, I snoop away and try to get things done. Previously, even when he was in a good mood, I would stay with him on the bed and play with him. And he would be content even if he was not carried all the time.

But not now. Not these past few days at least. If you come over during the day, you'd see a new mom carrying her son all over the house and the house is a wreck as everything is half done.

Who's to blame for this attention-seeking behaviour? Of course, I am. But really, do I have much of a choice?

I wish other things just fell into place automatically so that I can lounge all day on the bed with my baby while I watch him grow.

I'm sure it's going to be worse when I get back to work and I am absolutely dreading it.

Sigh.
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