So I thought I would be one of those who would never ever leave Blogger. Not this long anyways. And I managed to keep my word when I got married. I didn't allow the change in status to hamper me to blog about things I liked and the things which were happening around me. And though I blogged about not much else apart from my pregnancy when I got pregnant, I still found the time to blog. A blogger is who I was, am and will always be.
Or so I thought.
Motherhood has changed me. It has taken away the time which I used to have for myself, which I failed to appreciate when I wasn't with a child. Having a baby is like having to always be ready to shower with the door open when you're alone with him and being ready to run out of the shower naked, with only one leg shaved, the moment he cries for you. Being a mother means you have to sacrifice the things you love for a while, while he is still so helpless and is trying to find comfort in this world you have brought him into. Being a mother also causes a shift in paradigm and priorities.
And though it seems like motherhood demands so much out of a person, there is an indescribable instant gratification which I get out of it, which is equally difficult to fathom.
Is it in that smile while and after I am nursing him? It is in that expectant look every time I sing his bath time song. Is it the amusement in seeing how his little legs kick in his tub each time I sing his swimming song? Is it that toothless smile? Or is it in that funny moment when he cries hearing his own fart? Or is it the fact that he now knows that I am his Mama each time his eyes tail me while I move about the room to get things done.
Or is it all of the above?
I sometimes wish I had a camera watching over us to record moments in a day which cannot be rewinded; both good and bad.
It's the fact that babies grow oh-so-fast that makes him such a powerful magnet; so powerful that I can't quite pull myself away from him, even when I want to.
Though I love this blog and vow to come back to it, telling it of how Ariff Luqman came into this world so that I will always remember, for now, I'm just going to spend my days just planting sloppy kisses on this boy, while he's still too young to tell me off for embarrassing him.
Til then. I'll be enjoying motherhood now.
I will be back. I promise ;)
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