August 27, 2010

a little hot date update.

I think I won’t quite get over with my Photographer issue, but I’ve come close to closing a deal. Phew.

My former OP was very professional when I told them my concerns of late delivery and the complaints I have been hearing and I asked for some time to think, which they obliged. And after I failed to get back to them… they gave me some grace period and after thoroughly thinking it through… I guess it’s not meant to be after all.

When I cancelled with my former OP, I honestly could not help but notice how relieved they sounded. Perhaps they already knew that they wouldn’t be inspired by us (and they haven’t even met Mister yet) and I knew then that the earlier chemistry I felt only lasted as far as telephone conversations were concerned. So I knew that I did the right thing.

Notice that I talk a lot about my photographer and not much else? Yes, I know. Sometimes, I worry about it too. Yesterday, I talked to both Mamita and Jaja about wedding stuff. It’s the little things that make you botak, you know that? Haha.

I think Mamita flipped when I told her I didn’t want any bunga manggar and bunga pahar, seeing that it’s going to be in a hall and we’re going to do away with the merenjis and all. She told me,

“Ey, kau nak kahwin ke tak ni???”

Haha. Don’t misunderstand, of course she knows that it’s not one of the wajib items, it just makes the whole ceremony a little bit more meriah, I guess. She knows too well how minimalistic I can get when planning things, so she’s just trying to spark the whole thing up, hehe! So, she’s volunteered to follow me to anywhere I plan on going to "check those things out" first, before I actually decide on having/not having the said items. Of course, anything for a jalan-jalan session, ey Mamita? Hehe.

I haven’t been updating much on the wedding because there’s really nothing much to update on. Our solemnization outfits are done and the only problem with it at the moment is the weight I am losing. I have to go on a bingeing spree before I tie the knot so that I won’t look like a tomato on a twig on that day.

The other thing I have been seriously scouting for is my reception dress. I told you I'm practical like that so I’m just going to rent it. I’m not going to bother going through drama with designers etc., since I’m not so artsy myself and that makes it difficult for them to design because I’m clueless about how I would want my own dress to be. I know what I like, but would the designer be able to deliver? Hmmm…

But seeing that it is the fasting month and my mom is quite occupied with the house, I have decided to put it on hold. Paling senang, we will go to Siti Khadijah boutique in TTDI and rent one of her pieces. I’m sure the latest ones are nice.

I sound so unenthusiastic about the wedding, I know. But that’s perhaps I’m already thinking about the Minimoon and the Honeymoon and the apartment and the interior and the things I will be cooking and the furniture I will be buying. Phew. What a long excited list! I guess I’ve always known even before I decided to get married that the wedding isn’t everything.

I will update more on the wedding, when it gets nearer? Perhaps, I’d turn into a true blue bridezilla when it gets real near? Perhaps, but hopefully not ;)

Oh, whatever you do, when visiting Nilai 3, DO NOT SIT ON THE BED!

UMAKAIH GARANGNYA KAK.


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no, thank you.

taken with hp camera, few years back.

I have received phone calls 2 days in a row now, inviting me to judge the Inter-Part Mooting Competition that my Law Faculty is going to hold this weekend.

I have turned down all offers so far, although I know how difficult it must be for them to organize the event. It obviously doesn’t help when people refuse to assist in making their lives easier. I wish I could be the one to help them out, but I feel like there is very little I can contribute.

Now, how shall I put this? To be very honest, I would really, really love to go and judge the competition. After all, my team and I were the pioneers of the competition, so it does have some sentimental value of sorts. Though I must admit that when we first won the competition, the magnitude of being able to hold that trophy in my arms was not something I felt like I wanted shout out about, due to a tiny dent in the victory.

But that sliver of a bad memory aside, the competition marks a very important part in my Law School life and my friendship with the Kesayangans.

Thing is, I don’t want to go back there and look like some poyo. Trust me, after 2+ years of working, you will meet many people who try to assert (a lot of) authority where there is none. Of course, you don’t always spot these people when you first start. But eventually, you just know who are the real brains and who are mere show-offs who try to look (and sound) important in their organisations.

I know that that doesn’t really explain my hesitation but well...

All I want to say is that my working experience has humbled me. Judging a Moot Competition to me is no longer about the judge wanting to provoke the participants just because, or whether or not the participants are supposed to speak in English in the first place.

It’s about a whole load of things which I just can’t find the words to explain, you see. It’s really about eloquence, style and a lot of brains. I know now how idiotic it sounds trying to sound too damn good when you know that you don’t know all that much to begin with. After a while, it becomes too apparent how empty your brains really are.

And having said that, I feel like it applies to both participants AND judge.

So, there goes.

To anyone who volunteered to be judges tomorrow, good luck (ironic I should be wishing participants)! I know it’s just a Moot Competition and yes, a huge bulk of it is about having fun. BUT, a large part of it also involves brains.

Just because someone is an ex-mooter, it doesn’t necessarily make them a good Moot Judge, yes?

For now, I’d like to sit back and absorb all the information from all the good law books and prepare myself with the necessary knowledge.

When I’m ready, I’ll be seeing you in Moot Court. ;)



Mr. Abu Sir, if you happen to read this one day, I hope you understand that I didn't not come back on purpose. Though I think you're no longer in all this Moot stuff. Doesn't mean you're not into it.



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August 25, 2010

some faith.

I assume… that even the most hardcore of atheists in the world need some kind of faith to hold on to. Even if it meant they believed in science, instead of any other religion.

I think it’s rampant – that people only think of God in times of adversity. It’s as if it takes a whole load of energy to remember God all the time. Now how wrong does that sound?

It’s really bad.

Once, my dad told me that rezeki doesn’t always come in monetary terms. It hit me real bad the other day when my dad told me over sahur that the rezeki is not actually ours, but Allah’s. Allah can decide to give and retract, as and when It sees fit. Sometimes, you feel like you’ve done everything you could to please God and still, It takes away what you thought should be yours. And yet, there are times when you feel like you are so undeserving of the rezeki you got, if weighed with the wrong you did, but it still comes to you anyway.

That, my friends, is called “dugaan” - a test of whether you will further pray to God for forgiveness or get carried away with your rezeki, thinking that there’s really no one you should be thankful to.

I don’t know what prompted me to write this today, but I was perhaps saddened with my own Ramadan attitude this year. Saddened that I am thinking of Allah this often (not that I don’t think of Allah at all, please don’t get me wrong), now that I am sick. Down with flu, slight fever and an itchy throat.

I consider my puasa this month a complete failure so far. Such a waste, don’t you think so? I think I’m one of those people whom have gained merely hunger and thirst and a lot of fatigue yet, failed to gain all those free points God has given so generously.

I make excuses, I’m lazy, I’ve been (way too) angry, I’ve gossiped and I’ve become so complacent.

Last year, when we were tested, we prayed so hard. We talked about God as often as we breathed and it was calming. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t bitter, I wasn’t sick. I was constantly with do’a. I was so, so calm.

I told you, this year is different. And it’s really, really bad.

But I’ve got 15 more days to repent before I look back on this year and regret.


If you're like me, it's really not too late to start. Or is it?





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August 24, 2010

outside, looking in.












yeah, that's how it looks like.


Thank you, Adlin. You're a true friend. You just made my day. :) 


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August 23, 2010

Flowers One o One.

So, I’m sorry my morning began the way it did [refer earlier post]. But I know that I would never be able to hold my peace if I didn’t say my piece, hence, what has been said, has been said.

Moving on.

x

I’ve never really been a “flower girl”. Meaning, I’ve never really given much thought about them, not only because I don’t often get them, but also because… I just don’t give them much thought, simply said and reiterated.

I’d rather my partner treat me to ice cream, chocolates, ribs at Tony Roma’s, sour cream and onion pretzels and hair accessories or the likes. Really. These things make my day more than flowers ever can. After all, you really CAN’T eat flowers now, can you? (OMG I LOVE FOOD!)

But with the whole wedding jinbang, it seems like I’ve got to deal with flowers, like it or not. There are centerpieces, main tables, daises, hand bouquets and a whole load of other things involving flowers which I must think of.

Of course, I’m not saying that other things cannot substitute flowers or that they cannot serve the same purpose. It’s just that… I’m not quite the right person to talk about where decorations (other than flowers. and even with flowers, I'm a lost case) are concerned because I sort of lack that creative component in my brain (apart from creative writing, that is).

So, at the mention of flowers, the first two things that come to mind are.. ? Roses and Gerberas. And trust me, I only came to know of the name “Gerbera” of late. Before this, I just liked the flower with no name.

But even if I am not petty about flowers, etc., it doesn’t mean I don’t care which combos make the perfect match and now, I’m scratching my head in disbelieve because I can’t believe how many flowers there are in this world.

OMG SO BANYAK (!!)

Turned to Mama for advise and it seems like she’s in the know about them (rupa-rupanya I tak sangka). E.g.

Your hand bouquet should have this and that and this colour and a little bit of filler flowers”. 

Oh wow. Mama knows about filler flowers? o.O"

Anyways, I visited my local market for a little Flower 101 and bought a stalk of rose for RM3 (in the colour we’re going to get, I think). Just wondering, is RM3 per stalk (maybe can get a little (very little) discount when buying in bulk) considered cheap?

I really have no idea.

All smiley and happy. Very pretty!

I really do still like Gerberas. They look like a huge smiley face on a sunny day. I’m thinking I want to put them in my hair and let’s see what Mama has got to say about that. Ha ha ha ha.

p.s: pictures googled.


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no one listens.

You know, when you’re angry, you should really try to refrain from writing. You should refrain from writing about anything. Or to anyone. Writing about your anger or frustration (as much as it helps), makes everything so immortal. Makes the problem seem too real to bear with.

I am reading through the text messages I wrote from late last night to early this morning and can still feel how angry I am, though a part of me now is more resentful rather than angry. Why am I so intent from stopping a disaster from happening if other people can’t be bothered to stop it from hitting them in the face?

Why should I bother? Because love is the only exception.

Because if on a normal day, you wouldn’t care to even give a second thought on the matter, love makes you have a sleepless night. It’s not even my problem, so why am I making it mine? It’s not even my heart, so why do I feel like crying?

Because I have tried to the very best of abilities – more than level best can do, to stop a disaster from hitting someone in the face. Yet there they are, diving into thingS head first. As always.

With all the good things going on in my life, this one thing is bringing me down.

How can I approve of a disaster? How can I even be happy when every thought of it makes me sick? It makes me sick, get that? I resent the way this whole thing turned out because no one listens. Apparently, no one listened.

What were all those longs hours of advice for? I feel so cheated.

Do you know how exhausted I am at the moment or how hot my body temp is – so much so that I have to be cautious, just in case I kill someone. Or two.

I can’t stop people from learning lessons. But I don’t want the lesson to be a disaster. I give up on trying anymore.

I’m so angry.


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August 19, 2010

scrawny lil girl.


My fingers are so scrawny that my rings clink against each other like bangles and hang ever so loosely around the (non-existent) flesh on my bones.

Hello, there! I have been quiet. Quite uninspired to write about anything and I decided to not write at all. Not quite my usual self, right? I almost always normally not care about dishing out crap on the plate.

Well, anyways, in my attempts to add flesh to my bones, I joined my colleagues for a break fast session yesterday at Seoul Garden Plaza Pantai. It was my first time there and oh, boy, did I have fun or what?

We were really early, like 630 p.m. kind of early. But guess what? There were others who were way earlier that we were. They must either work there. Or they must be super hungry. Not that arriving at 630 p.m. would help much, though, come to think of it.

Well, anyways. Being the group with the most number of people suffering OCD of varying degrees, we started plotting away our plans on what and how our “eating operation” would be. Just to make sure that we didn’t eat wrongly, strategically speaking.

I specifically said that no one should eat rice because rice is very filling and the steamboat had to be eaten last because it is soupy and therefore, it fills up our much needed tummy space.

I was in charge of all things sweet and also drinks, while the rest had the time of their lives at the buffet lines, feasting their eyes and also appetites (plus nafsu makan raksaksa of course), picking and choosing a lot of everything for everyone at the 3 tables we booked.

We started cooking and the rest is history.

Safe to say that from the moment we heard azan and popped kurma into our mouths, I ate NON-STOP for at least the next half-hour, not saying a word. The meat was so good! And I’m not saying this merely because I was hungry, of course. It was really good.

Though I must admit that at that point, when someone asked me, “Ada black pepper meat tak?”, all I did was to stare back at that person with a confused face and a little bit of something hanging at the side of my mouth, as if thinking, “Ada black pepper meat? I don’t taste any black pepper. No.” So, perhaps I was really famished after all.

At around 8 p.m., I could suddenly taste all the chocolate chicken (I know, weird right?) they were talking about, the black pepper beef (oh, finally!), the lamb which I unabashedly consumed in absurd amounts and the yummy tasting sauces and all else which was dumped onto the mountain I called my plate.

It suddenly dawned on me how full I was. OH. MY. GOD.

And then, we all became “tipsy”. We were laughing and being merry and laughing like no one’s business. I promised them that I would eat some more after Maghrib but boohoo to me, I ended up fiddling with my food, taking a bit of the dim sum and finished it off with the tomyum. Of course, I couldn’t miss out on the ice cream. Didn’t know that mango ice cream tastes so good ooohyum.

The rest of the night was spent talking a bit about the office (macam segan nak guna perkataan gossip memandangkan bulan puasa) and apparently, nothing much has changed! Ahahaha. Surprise, surprise. Same old frustrations, some new additions and the same old exit/escape plan which we all end up never executing.

It was such a good night, I fell asleep right after I bathed. It didn’t help that the weather was so nice! But I woke up in the middle of the night because mosquitoes were bothering me to the point that they entered my dreams. And so now, I really am very drowsy.

But here are some photos from last night. I shot them in raw and edited later. I love shooting in raw.

Appetizers, heheehee
Master Chef and Assistant
good friends and Ryan and GF at the back. It was REALLY good to see Ayu again after almost like... how many months! She's one of those first few people I befriended when I began working. So glad nothing's changed :)
1/8 of what we grabbed off the buffet line. tak tipu.
I took the camera out and they said, okay, okay jum masak and then they posed. Hahaha. 

New Addition and scrawny fingers.
Drinks
Baby Wildan, a colleague's son. Father not featured in here.
I was just sleepy so I snapped this.
Damage is done. And it made the guy at the next table stare at us in disbelieve. Hahahahah.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, of course my fingers didn't gain weight overnight. My cheeks did.

Sekian. Harap iman anda tak tercabar.
 

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persoalan.

Soalan: Kenapa nak kahwin tapi seperti tak stress? 
Soalan saya: Kenapa nak kahwin kena stress?

x

Amboi, over kan? Tak blog beberapa hari tiba-tiba muncul tanya soalan macam ni.

Tapi, seriously. Kenapa saya seorang bride-to-be tapi saya appear as if saya tak stressed out, apart from the things I blog very openly about, of course.

Sebab, from even before I decided to get married, I already knew that majlis itu bukan segalanya. Tapi perkahwinan itu memang sampai bila-bila. Of course, dengan izin Allah.

Tapi mestilah saya pun stress sebenarnya. Mesti. Apa-apa berkaitan kahwin; be it majlis atau marriage, pasti ada stress pointnya tersendiri. Be it kamu ada budget kecik, atau budget besar atau limitless budget, pasti ada stress, walaupun sedikit. Tapi, apa yang penting? Bukan kerjasama (walaupun tak kurang pentingnya)... Yang penting, kita fahami dan telan serta terima hakikat bahawa stress itu adalah lumrah.

Dan bila dah lumrah, masalah takkan hilang sekalipun blog sampai muntah darah.

Jadi, apa yang terbaik untuk dilakukan ialah tarik nafas dalam-dalam dan doa banyak-banyak. Haruslah sambil tu berusaha dengan giat (bukan liat) untuk cari yang terbaik within our means. Duduk diam dan berdoa tanpa apa-apa usaha bukan tawakkal namanya ye?

x

Saya suka baca blog B-2-B lain. Suka. Tapi adakalanya, saya kurang setuju dengan cara penyampaian mereka tentang masalah-masalah yang mereka hadapi. Lagi-lagi kalau masalah tersebut melibatkan orang yang dekat/rapat dengan mereka. Paling teruk ialah mengutuk ipar duai, future in-laws and worst still, ibu bapa sendiri. Astaghfirullah. Bila terbaca perkara macam ni, saya sering terkesima.

Saya punya masalah pun tak kurang hebatnya daripada kamu, kamu dan kamu, tapi rasanya taklah sampai tahap nak mencaci secara spesifik dalam blog kan. Believe me, some things that I blog about are about very specific people around me, tapi tak sampai hati saya untuk menamakan walaupun hati saya sakit tak terkata.

Bukanlah nak cakap bila saya sakit hati saya makan hati seorang diri. Of course bila sakit, kawan-kawan macam Mamita dan Jaja akan dapat panggilan/tangisan bertalu-talu tak henti-henti dalam sehari leading to seminggu. Tapi that's okay (also to them both, I hope) sebab saya trust them enough to know that those stories will NEVER LEAK. Tak akan. Mereka (+the rest of the Kesayangans, of course) ni memang kawan sampai mati, insyaAllah.

x

So, bagi saya, kalau perlu sangat untuk meluah perasaan, lagi-lagi kalau melibatkan orang yang spesifik, tolonglah, sama ada camouflage sikit identity dan jangan guna perkataan kurang sopan yang boleh buat mata orang terjojol, atau paling baik, diam-diamkan saja dalam bentuk penulisan. Cari kawan yang boleh dipercayai yang tak akan pergi jual dalam blog dia pula dan haaa silakan... tangiskan puas-puas.

Lagipun, saya rasa macam menulis tentang stress tersebut (tak kisahlah dengan orang atau vendor atau bunga atau kerusi atau pelamin) membuatkan stress tersebut menjadi semakin immortal. Because once kita tulis, dan ada orang baca, delete seratus kali sekalipun, words have passed bukan? Tak guna kalau menyesal dan tarik balik pun. Saya tahu, that sometimes kita tulis tu sebagai peringatan kepada diri sendiri bahawa that long B-2-B checklist tu masih banyak yang merah dan at that point in time, kita frust sebab tak dapat nak selesaikan masalah tu, lagi-lagi sebab orang lain dan bukan disebabkan kesalahan kita sendiri.

Tapi... entahlah. Kadang-kadang cara kita menulis tu yang tak berapa nak semenggah rupanya. Cuba jangan terlalu stress bunga apa, baju apa, ini apa, itu apa. Theme colour satu lagi. Ramai orang yang rigid sangat sampai stress nak mati kalau tak dapat that colour and that colour only untuk majlis tu. Memang boleh mati lah kalau tak dapat. Haa, sampai macam tu sekali. Relax! Take a chill pill! Memang kahwin sekali saja. Memang kita nak buat paling baik sebaik-baiknya untuk majlis itu. Tapi, like I said, majlis bukan segalanya.

Tak perlu sampai hati sangat untuk mencaci dengan open. Bukan itu caranya. Lagi-lagi kebanyakan B-2-B blogs adalah Muslimah bertudung bagai belaka. Dan blog masing-masing Googleable. Believe you me. I have been specific in my entries before walaupun bukan tentang kahwin. That was years ago. Lepas tu, Allah saja lah yang tahu betapa menyesalnya saya bila baca balik when everything has cooled down. Memang tak berbaloi cacian bertubi-tubi tu. Rasa malu untuk baca my own bad words.

Jadi, macam mana stress pun, saya harap lepas ni, sesiapa yang membaca blog post ini akan muhasabah diri masing-masing. Of course, post ini buat peringatan saya sendiri juga. Memang blog dikatakan private realm yang mana masing-masing akan cakap, "Ikut suka hati akulah nak cakap apa.". Saya setuju. Kita semua berhak menyuarakan pendapat.

Tapi, bila orang tak dikenali seperti saya membaca blog anda, anda dan anda pun boleh rasa, "Eih, minah ni boleh pulak dia kutuk iparduai family in-law makpak sendiri Ya Allah sampainya hati?", apa lagi perasaan orang yang dikenali (lagi-lagi kalau terkena batang hidung sendiri).

Tak kisahlah kalau itu memang niat anda untuk buat dia terasa sangat, tapi bagi saya, bila dah kutuk dengan open sebegitu, you're the lower person. Even lower than the person yang kamu kutuk.

Blog memang tempat untuk meluah perasaan dan berkongsi pendapat. Tapi bagi saya, penggunaan bahasa yang betul dan ceritera yang nak dipaparkan haruslah yang bersesuaian dan bukan sewenang-wenangnya hanya untuk meraih pendapat(an) dan juga komen serta hits.

Sopan santun sikit.

And just like anda, anda dan anda. Saya juga ada pendapat saya sendiri dan ini adalah cara saya menyampaikannya.

Sekian. Yang baik itu datang daripada Allah. Yang buruk itu daripada saya sendiri.

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August 13, 2010

dah ada aura (sikit aje)

Yesterday evening, Mama texted me:

Ma: Girl, nanti on the way balik, pergi beli kuih okay?
Me: Okay.
Ma: Ma masak nasik lemak ayam sambal harini.
Me: Nasik lemak ayam sambal??? Uuuuuuu!!! Okay, nanti berhenti beli kuih.
Ma: If tak sempat, tell me earlier.

x

That was probably at around 4. Obviously, for the next half hour or so, I couldn't concentrate on anything apart from the images of nasik lemak ayam sambal. For Ramadan, I decided to clock out at 4.30 since I come in very early anyway. So, you can guess what time I left the office right. Yes, pekerja contoh indeed.

I was thinking of how different it would be next year because next year, I will have a husband and the conversation above might be applicable to me and him then. Heh. Might.

I might be the one on the other end of the line cooking the nasik lemak ayam sambal excitedly telling him over the phone. (hey, though MIGHT is the operative word, I DO KNOW how to cook okay. but what's the point of showing off your cooking skills when Mama still wins hands down?).

Well, anyways, I bought the kuih as promised. As I was queing up for the murtabak, an Auntie asked me,
"Pernah beli kat sini?"

So, I answered,
"Taklah. Ni line paling pendek. Raja Murtabak ramai sangat."

She was obviously disappointed because she obviously wanted a review.

She continued,
"Your hubby pergi mana tu?"

I stared at her,
"Hoh? Hubby?"

She was referring to the guy behind/beside me, who was no longer there at that time.

So, I told her he isn't my hubby.

She just smiled.

As I reached the front of the line, the Kakak Kedai took my order,
"Ye dik?"

I ordered:
"2 murtabak Kak"

"Ayam? Daging?" She prodded.


My quick answer:
"Mana-mana yang cepat la Kak. Mana-mana yang ada. Nak 2"

And so, ayam it was. 

So, I'm proud to say that:

(1) I finally have "aura bini orang"(sebab ada orang ingat that I already have a hubby), as people normally think I'm still in school  (or maybe I just look old? OMG).

(2) My husband will never go hungry. I go for the shortest lines AND go for what's quickly available. Quick thinking makes the tummy sing.

(3) The murtabak wasn't so bad. My dad ate 90% of it. Though maybe, he was just really hungry.

Oh, sila jangan risau Mister. I'm not normally like this. The nasik lemak got to my head. I promise ;)

And, yes. I do cook. I promise even harder.



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August 12, 2010

a modern fairytale


 ...but it isn't exactly my favourite out of all Cecelia Ahern's books.

I find that every time I try to review this book, I keep on remembering her last one, instead of this one.

But that's not to say that it wasn't a good read. It was a tremendous read! Page-turner and a little bit unpredictable would be perfect to describe this one. Because you would really want to know what happened in the end and so you wouldn't want to put the book down!

(unless you don't mind flipping straight to the ending. I mind)

I seldom read books where the antagonist character featured at the beginning turns out to still be the antagonist at the end of this book. Because more often than not, that would be the twist in the plot, right? That the villain would end up being the knight in shining armour or something.

I was playing a guessing game with myself - of whether or not Rose really is as bad as she sounds. Turns out that she's the kind of person you wouldn't want to mess with. No sirree.

I learnt from this book that if one is spiteful and is the type to hold grudges, that vengeance can go a long, long, LONG way. They'd do anything so that they get what they want.

I pity Rose the Villain though, because she had been wanting attention and love all her life and look where she ended up and who she ended up with. Not to say that Arthur (her husband in this book) is such a bad guy, but every time I read about Arthur, I imagine a guy with really thick moustache, who snort-snorts his way out and into everything. Wait, did she say he has a moustache in the book?

Well, anyways, from my lack of enthusiasm in reviewing this book, you probably know that it isn't as good as her other books, especially P.S. I Love You and The Gift.

This one can be equated to one of her other books, which name I cannot remember.

Good, not great, and not memorable enough to make a mark in my heart.

But you should read it for yourself. Who am I to judge?

It's been a long time since I last became a fan of magic and fairytales anyways :)

 

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bau bau bacang aje.

It’s been so long since I last started fasting. I think my earliest memory of fasting must be when I was… 6 or 7, probably. And each time I came back from school, my mom would ask me whether I thought I was okay and whether or not I would like to eat something. I always passed her offer, though.

And just before Maghrib time came, I would take a (very long) shower, emerging out of the toilet and happier and not to mention, a fresher girl. You can obviously guess what I did, right? Because probably, you did it as well?

Come on, don’t tell me you people were saints even from that age? I wasn’t so bad but I still drank (at least a little) in the shower! Oops. Did I just disclose that?

So, fine, it’s no secret that that’s what most people did when they were little right? (please tell me I'm not the only one, I feel so bad already)

Well, anyways, after so long, I have come to realise that all the bad things we do, really have nothing much to do with the Satan we loathe so much. We do bad things regardless of whether Satan is tied or not. Tsk.

Most things we do are driven by lust. And when I make mention of lust, it’s not just the sexual aspect of it that I’m referring to. I mean, think of it, people always say, “nafsu amarah, nafsu makan, nafsu serakah (the worst perhaps? hehe) ” being some of the few I can think of, off hand.

So, it’s safe to say that… we only have ourselves to blame when something goes haywire, even in the holy month of Ramadan.

Like how I refuse to say sorry and make amends with a particular senior officer, because I do not believe in being a hypocrite.

Like how I still laze around a bit and dilly dally before I get started on my research and opinion writing right after my boss assigned me to something.

Like how I still get sleepy when attending Tarawikh at night.

Like how I still talk bad stuff about people and have nasty thoughts running in and around my head all day long.

Old habits do die hard, don’t they? I’d be glad if I could at least attempt to put them to sleep.

Told you that Setan tu hanya bau-bau bacang aje with the all the sins we make.

I hope I find the strength to properly repent this month. It would be such a waste to waste this month, don’t you think so?

Happy Day 2, everyone!


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August 11, 2010

tahun ni lain.

When an annual event/time of the year revisits, I love to read through my old posts to see what I was like back then. I always do that. For birthdays, New Years, Raya and not to forget Ramadan.

Every year is different for me because everybody's changing and I don't feel the same?

It's just that I'm consistently the same person with different feelings all the time, I guess? And so, it amuses me to read about that person I was last year, just to see how much I've changed. Seriously, I was giggling to myself, reading about the things I wrote. So young and mengarut.

All I can say is that... I was a whole lot more enthusiastic last year, that's right. It was so nice, jumping on the Ramadan bandwagon, getting excited about food and smuggling my blanket and pillow into my office at the wee hours of the morning.

I can't believe I was so excited and that my blog was wayy more exciting that it is now. And guess what? At that point, my blog had limited access. Only invited readers and still, it felt so good to share with those very few people.

Well, this year, I will try my best to recreate that excitement. I am sure it'll thwart as soon as I stop worrying too much about work (and the long hours which will inevitably deprive me of my chance to go to the mosque).

But I am determined! You hear that! Determined to make sure that this year's Ramadan is a memorable one, just as it was last year and the years before, even if it's memorable in it's own way.

Not to say that it isn't already different. I'm celebrating it with a fiancee this year (gedik mood is so on, TSK). Who would have thought, huh?

Well, selamat berpuasa to all, and REMEMBER! Jangan tamak dekat pasar malam okeh? Hee.



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August 10, 2010

never quite enough.

This isn't a good way to start my morning and I know it. But I can't help but to want to write about it. Because it is a cause for concern. MY concern.

Yesterday evening, as I was trying to clean up my unfinished work, I was given a new piece of work from a client I loathe. I dare say this because I know that everyone else loathes the same client as well - for their unreasonableness, for their inability to spot the issue they want us to solve, for taking up our precious time cleaning up their (sucky) work and generally, for just giving us jobs which can only be described as time wasters, not because we are lazy, but simply because the job is as a result of their half-baked thoughts put into a casserole, baked to non-perfection.

I wish I could just say who my client is but of course, I still love my job.

It's as if they forgot that tonight will be the day when people would tengok anak bulan. It's like they forgot that Ramadan comes only once a year. They forgot that in this month, everything else takes a back seat because hey, this is the only month in the year where we can perform our duties as a good Muslim without the interference of our "dear friend" - Satan, as they will be tightly tied, away from all of us.

There is more to life than work. Why can't everyone just wrap their minds around that fact. Sometimes, I just tell my boss off when she gets agitated that her kids call her so often when she's doing her work,

"Puan, sekarang ni puan rasa boring diorang asyik call. Nanti dia dah besar macam saya, asyik puan je call dia. Masa tu, diorang pulak yang bengang. Masa tu nanti dah too late sebab diorang dah taknak cakap dengan puan dah. That period of time when they need you this much would have passed."

It seems to be working. Because I know that deep down, she knows it's the truth. By the way, my mom NEVER ignored our calls. Up until today. Dah tua bangka pun manja macam baby.

I just wish I had enough guts to tell our clients the same. They seem oblivious (and happily so) to the fact that, hey, people have families to run home to.

The saddest part is that those who are doing these things are the Muslims. Tak terpanggil nak pergi masjid ke agaknya?

Money will never be enough, work will never finish.

I just hope they understand. Tsk.

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August 09, 2010

random pillow talks

So, how is it possible for this blog addict to not blog at all for so many days? Oh, I’ve been blogging alright, but I’ve been blogging out of my head into thin air. So many thoughts, so much emotion. Not a word. I find it calming, for some reason. But then again, given enough time and space and apparatus (like now), here I am again.

Of course, the only thing that can help save me from all those nights I face the computer without any mission in particular is when we actually go there. That place is so special. I can’t stop thinking or saying it, but it really is very special.

I had the most relaxing weekend. I was curled up in bed in my work clothes Friday night, having pillow talks with one of my girls. Can’t tell you which one because it’s still a secret ;). So much to talk about and so much going on in each of our lives. I don’t know sometimes how we got from there to here and all I have are prayers that someday, somehow, all will be good for her. I have forewarned her many a time, as a sister should, of the consequences of this and that and before I begin divulging into details of things I shouldn’t disclose, I should stop talking about what we talked about.

Well. Anyway.

Saturday was spent with more pillow talks in between dozing off to Lalaland and back and I jumped with a start when I realised that it was already 10.15 a.m. and that I had an appointment at 11 a.m. So, fine the appointment was going to be held someplace near my place but I take such a long time to shower and get ready (and this time there are 2 girls! OMG!) so, I knew that it was going to take longer. We made it just in the nick of time, phew.

*

I am easily impressed with people who try to please me and accept my blunt and honest opinions with open arms. I love it when people have wonderful PR. I like it when they are accommodative and seem inspired by me.

One that note, I have found my videographer, Alhamdulillah. But as usual, I’ll only reveal and review once everything is okay, insyaAllah.

I managed to finish a book last weekend and it’s been quite some time since I last did that in the speed that I did. It was nice to be able to curl up in bed in your PJs for as long as you liked, with no TV, no internet and no entertainment (not even radio) with only a blanket and 2 fluffy pillows and a good book, of course.

I really have to get back to work, really seeing that I had to attend quite a long meeting in KL earlier today. It’s good to be back in the internet world, but the break was great while it lasted. More random things to come, hopefully ;)






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August 05, 2010

he's good.


It's just that sometimes, I feel like I want him to come as a guest rather than my photographer. But, it would be so nice to put the fate of your photos in the hands of a person you trust enough kan?

I'm going to get my album tomorrow. We'll see how it goes ;)




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August 04, 2010

gift of life.


Oh, so I am a tad too belated where reading this book is concerned, I know. I don’t know how long we’ve had it, but to be honest, it really doesn’t matter because what matters is how much I am affected by it.

To be very honest, about the same time I picked this book off the shelves, I was thinking about something kind of related to the story – of how people became so rich and how they could do anything they wanted with their money, without thinking too much (or at all) about what the financial implications would be.

I am not one of those privileged few who can walk into any shop and pick anything I want without thoroughly considering the “want-need debate” going on in my head. More often than not, I would go home empty-handed because the “needy” part of my brain fails to cook up a convincing enough argument that would make me spend my money on them.

So, anyways, back to the book . I was thinking really hard of how hard people had to work to earn their keep. Of what it took to be at least a millionaire because word has it that once you earn your first million, the other millions would come rolling naturally.

After reading this book, I have come to realise now that nothing in life comes for free. In economics, they call it opportunity cost. In real life, they call it sacrifice. You somehow have to sacrifice some part of you, whether your family or you career (depending on which you choose) and that no matter how clever you are at juggling, in the end, it’s the choices you make that count.

Am I speaking cryptic again? I’m not supposed to because I know that this book has been read by many and there’s no secret about how the book ended. All in all, it was a very good read. Well, I shouldn’t be so surprised because Cecelia Ahern delivers, all the time.

In the end, she mentioned that the most important thing in life is a balance. We’re always running out of time, which according to my brother, does not make sense and we’re always running out of money. In the end, we’re just running and we don’t know where we are going.

I’m surprised how intrigued I am by this book because essentially, it still falls under the “Chic Lit” category and under that category of reads, it’s supposed to leave a much lighter impact than it currently has on me, right?

But I can’t get the picture of that mangled car, the lullabies and the way he lovingly looked at his wife and the way he finally repented, out of my head. I’m just glad he got his second chance before his time was up. And not all of us are lucky enough to be given second chances because that mostly happens in stories, and stories alone.

Today must be one of the craziest days so far. I woke up late with a piercing pain in the right arm. I drove to work hungry and was ready to get my breakfast when I realised that I had left my purse, which is now 40 kilometers away for me to reach. I don’t have any biscuits in my room, they’re all finished. And I fell on all fours in the toilet just now because the floors (and my old slippers) were too slippery, I lost my grip.

If I hadn't finished (or started that book) I could be a really angry girl for what has happened today, for all my carelessness and bad luck, but I chose to feel blessed. Today, there was a mini celebration to welcome Ramadan and we had plenty of free food. My work was approved by my superior and even after that fall, I am still okay with no cuts and bruises.Just a few painful spots, but all is well.

I got my second chance today. A gift. I am blessed and grateful for that.


NOTAKAKI:
If you’re a busy girl or guy whose BB is constantly beeping or whose life revolves around work and work and more work, there really is more to life than work. We can always look for lost money, but time and tide waits for no man. Lost time can never be replaced.

A totally recommended read.

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August 03, 2010

oh so much love!

Hah. Here is why last weekend was so fulfilling! What else! Weddings, of course. And a little proper date (oh, finally!) with the Mister.

Sunday!

TOP: L-R Tasha & I, The lovely dais. BOTTOM: L-R 2 budak sayang yang comel, friends who never fail to be the sunshine of any event. Seronok sangat! I LOVE THE FACT THAT I WAS AT THE CENTER FOR ALL THE PHOTOS SEBAB SURE GAMBAR SAYA MASUK. SIAPA BACA NI CEPAT TAG KAKAK KAT FACEBOOK PLEASE ;)
A definition of a good friend is one who you can fall into a comfortable silence with yet slip into endless conversation as well, when you meet after years. That's who Izza is to me. And she tied the knot on 31.7.2010, Alhamdulillah! They've got a really simple love story and that's what makes it special. Jodoh pertemuan memang di tangan Tuhan. It was also a very simple wedding ceremony at Dewan Perdana Felda, joined and celebrated by friends, family and all well-wishers.

It's true when people say that orang baik are meant for yang sama baik as this is the exact epitome of that saying. Though Izza has always been low-key and down to earth, she is more than meets the eye. Both Adam and Izza are high flyers, go-getters and perfect for each other! And though I have never had the opportunity of knowing Adam more, I do hope that he takes good care of my good friend. Like I said in my card, she's a gem and you've really won yourself a lottery. Better take care of our Headgirl for us, okay?!


Details I like:

the lovely, sporting friends!

Saturday!

TOP: L-R chiavari chairs, yummeh, super friends who light up even the brightest of days, BOTTOM: L-R guests of honour who were so super duper sporting! Mamin and her Babah

This couple is one of the few MMU friends who I constantly keep in contact with. The Amed (the groom) is my Mister's best friend and he finally married his long time bestfriend-girlfriend Mamin. They are such a sweet couple, really. Both quirky, both funny and both totally and completely smitten with each other. They really complement each other. Very good! I like couples in love ;). I know for a fact that Amed LOVES this girl alot and that better not change in the 100 years to come okay, Amed?

It was held at Taman Botani Putrajaya (rain shelter without the rain bak kata Aya). It was such a beautiful garden wedding. The best part is that the weather was just perfect! It was not hot, but not raining. The perfect word would be redup. And although the VIPs who came are VVIPs, it did not at all feel so because even the VVIPs were cool. Why wouldn't they be and how could they NOT be, when the crowd there was the noisiest, most happening I have ever met (after my own girly friends of course). We really did have the time of our lives taking thousands of poses together (the best thing when the OP is your friend as well). It was nice, really, really nice. It was really the couple's rezeki that everything went so perfect though I personally think that garden weddings are risky! But all in all, I loved it! Especially the chairs. So yummeh.

Details I like:

the yummy chairs and garden concept as a whole. so romantic~

And last but not least!

Date Day, FINALLY!

The Planner gets to go everywhere we go. Lucky girl.



We finally got to go on a date after so many weeks. It was nice of Mister to book tickets for us to watch Inception at Tropicana, which is good because parking lots are aplenty plus the crowd there isn't crazy. And this is after what seems like forever since the last time we watched a movie together (and since the last time I watched ANY movie for the matter). It was so nice. Before that we went to Empire to see what the hype was all about. I thought it looked like a mini Pavilion and it was okay. The crowd isn't as crazy. We ate at Kenny Rogers (BOTTOM No. 2 photo). The interior is so chic, but I was really disappointed with the service. So slow and understaffed! Mister gave them really low, honest marks. They've got to buck up if they want to compete.

Okay, that's all. Heee. Of course I won't disclose what else was nice about last weekend but it was really, really nice ;)

Details I like:

yellow lighting and lovely interior.

Back to my unfinished opinion, bye!


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August 02, 2010

you are the only exception.

People always say that when they're empty, they're uninspired and uninspiring. And sometimes, I am no exception because I say and believe the same. Thing is, of late, I've come to realise how wrong that statement is.


This place has got no hot showers, no Astro because there's no TV and of course, no broadband.

Yet, the moment Babah says, "Thursday ni kita balik kampung", I'd obediently and obligingly pack my bag, toileteries, clothes and all my other essentials (including iron because that place has got nothing but a vacuum cleaner) and I would be looking forward for work to end because I would be heading back to that empty space. Oh, did I tell you I bought a kettle so that we would be able to make breakfast? I didn't even buy a kettle when I stayed on my own in Shah Alam. Hahah.

And now, I've got 2 sets of everything in my room there because then, I don't have to pack. It'll be just like going back home.

Amazing isn't it? How such an empty space can spark so much excitement in a person like me? And the 2 other persons (being my parents) who love going back to that empty space as well.

It's amazing. To me it is. Funny how we don't mind mindlessly going from room to room, dreaming, thinking. Funny how we like the place to be empty (I like it empty and at the moment being kept empty on my orders) and how an "i-cannot-live-without-internet" girl like me can love going back to the connection-less place with an open heart!

I even got to read a story book until the wee hours of morning and slept without much hassle (new places and I don't gel very well, but not this one!).Which would probably be impossible if I had a laptop and internet connection because I would be busy viewing my tagged photos.

And guess what? I had one of the most fulfilling weekends, last weekend, and here I am talking about an empty house.

Shows that when you're full of something, you're not exactly inspired. Or inspiring.

So, though I'd very much love to talk about what a great weekend I had, I just want to say how much I love this empty space which puts us all in a good mood.

It's no surprise though, because each and everyone of us had a "love at first sight experience" with this place.

Other happy updates later! :) Ta!


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