This morning, like most mornings, there was a slight drama just before dropping Luqman off at school. And like most mornings, the drama is not one about him not wanting to go to school, but rather one that involves him wanting to bring all his favourite toys to school, which I of course object to.
I try to treat him like an adult as much as I can so I don't make him leave his toys by imposing. Instead, I try to negotiate with him way before we even hit the roads and normally, this involves a little bit of role playing;
"Kalau Teacher ambik toy macam mana?"
And I would take the toy away from him to demostrate.
Normally, he would charge towards me and push me a little to tell me off,
"Tepiiiii!!!", he would shout.
And if it's running late and I don't have the time to negotiate, I will allow the toy to be brought to the car, and all the way to school, I would psycho him into thinking that someone is going to take that toy. He normally doesn't like it when I do that, but on the good days, this method works and he'll leave his toys with me.
This morning though, he was adamant to not leave his trains. If it was just one train, I may have allowed it but he wanted to bring all 3 of his favourite trains. After our experience with him bringing his Ferrari to school, I wasn't about to let the same thing happen again so obviously, I had to do something about it.
So, I allowed him to bring the trains to school, on the condition that they MUST be put into his bag and can only be taken out when I come and pick him up this evening. He didn't like that. He threw a tantrum and started crying. And because I hate to leave a crying child at the door, I sent him in to his playroom instead.
He was excited to see his friends and momentarily stopped crying but just as I was about to heave a sigh of relief... I caught him pushing another child because the child was staring at him.
I was so dumbstruck, I swear. Was that really my loving, affectionate boy who planted kisses on my face every night and gave me surprise hugs every time he could catch me from the back? Was that really, really him?
I walked back to him and told him off, which made him cry harder. But I told him anyway that what he did was wrong. At that point I knew that I had to leave if I didn't want to be late. And just as I was about to go... I saw his classmate pushing him and he was pushing the boy back in defence and then they all started crying.
The mom in me wanted to just run back to my child to scoop him in my arms and protect him in my embrace but I saw one of the teachers come quickly to break up the fight... so I knew I had to walk away and back down my defences.
It's not that he's never come home with scratches and bite marks before... but this morning just made me doubt myself and my decisions. No doubt he has learned SO MUCH since he went to school... but this morning just made me think about whether I should consider that kind of "education" as part and parcel of his learning process or... you know... take him out of that system so that he can learn things that I want him to learn, the way I want him to learn it.
I know what just happened this morning is probably part of his "survival" lesson and it's always good to have a balance between a happy, loving, safe and secured life with one that is a little bit "rough at the edges" but I still...
I may just be over thinking it. But I guess I just can't help being a mom?
Yang kau pun dah kenapa lah Putrajaya Gengster sangat Luqman!!!!