cheese!

We’ve been taught a particular system; all 3 of us. But it’s not because our parents are encouraging us to be debt-ridden people. It’s just that they’d prefer us to make debts with them rather than run to other people for money. So, whenever any of us need something which cost more than we can afford, we run to MBF (Mama Babah Finance, literally).

Prior to this “loan” I have with MBF right now, I’ve never taken up any other loan. This loan; I took it up as a celebration to my “almost-dapat-kerja” status. Because when I took it up with my mom, I remember my dad asking, “awak dah dapat kerja eh dah boleh buat hutang?”.... like erk. No, I was just sitting for my first Final Exam paper at that time, but what the heck.

Point is, my loan cost RM 700 (and no interest). I’ve paid RM200 so far so that means I have another RM500 bahagi RM 50 sama dengan lagi 10 bulan nak bayar. When I took up that loan, all I thought about was that I was going to graduate so I wanted to take lots of photos with my friends as final memories of us together.

I did fully utilise it then, taking silly pictures of everything and nothing (sebagai contoh bunga-bungaan di Baiduri which I miss) and also pictures of Padang Shah Alam, books, etc. etc.

Now that we’ve all started working, I feel like everyone’s just over that “camwhore” period. No one takes photos of events anymore as if no one’s allowed to do it or something. I mean like, I like taking photos but I can’t be taking “camwhore-alone” photos all the time, right? I have the camera with me 24/7 but I hardly use it.

Tomorrow, I have a Hari Raya do at my office.

I don’t know if you’re my officemate and reading this or not. You might be someone at IAD, Prosecution or Drafting.

Tomorrow, like many other days, I’m bringing my camera to work.

Tomorrow, please let’s camwhore, regardless of which Division you’re in because I miss smiling into the camera despite my eyebags yang menjadi-jadi.

And during the wedding at night, please let’s take lots of pictures everyone, okay?

Let’s make my RM 700 worth la, can?

p.s: this blog has now beaten my previous blog's amount of entries!

you got understand or not?

Here’s the thing. On a daily basis (well, almost) I hear one Tom, Dick or/and Harry talk about the importance of bringing the Race Relations Act into existence. Sometimes, I wonder if they even know what the contents are that makes them say with utmost conviction (and confidence) that such Act is necessary.

Honestly, do you really, really know what’s to be put into it, and how it’s going to function?

Since we don’t have that Act, it’s obvious that we will look for a model Act to base our research and drafting on. After all, that’s what we all do. When there’s no local precedent, we look elsewhere because that’s the next best thing to do.

So, if you’ve had enough sense, you would have downloaded the Race Relations Act of the UK ot India (if ada), and realize that there are 80 provisions in the Act and no less than 5 schedules appended to it. I’ve had it for 2 weeks now but I’ve yet finish browsing through the sections.

What I can deduce from the little reading I’ve managed is that this Act will be an extension of Article 8 of our FC. What people don’t understand is that when someone breaches a fundamental liberty, one applies in the constitutional court ( just like applications for Habeas Corpus (which by the way has never succeeded) ) and one may not necessarily get the remedy they think they ought to get.

I think some people are deluded into thinking that when a person discriminates against another, the discriminator will be thrown into prison or punished with a hefty fine or something along those lines.

What they don’t realize is that the Race Relations Act merely lists down what is considered as discrimination under the eyes of law.

Tell me, do you seriously really want something as serious as the law to regulate your relationship with any Chong, Ahmad and Muthu friends of yours?

I think its just common sense really. All a matter of conscience.

Or maybe, just maybe, sense is not so common anymore. And maybe being conscientious is just a god-given trait which not many choose to practice.

atau mungkin, research saya juga terlalu superficial untuk saya memberi komen terlalu awal?

disclaimer: this is not an academic piece to be quoted.

Knots

Things are a little slow here in the office, not that I’m complaining. I can’t really get my mind around the fact that I’m working at the moment and it’s just so difficult to get up again and start kicking into gear.

It sure was a whole lot easier to get back to Shah Alam to study for final exams back then.

Not much has happened since Raya. I honestly think that it’s the age that’s contributing to this lack of excitement for Raya.

But on a lighter note, a good friend is getting married this weekend and I’m thrilled because… well, she’s one of the few close UiTM friends I have who’s tying the knot (already)! I’m hoping I can get off work soon enough to make it to her Akad tomorrow because to me… that’s the most heartwarming yet nerve-wrecking part (as if I dah pernah je?) but I know that that’s the truth and also, it’ll be fun to see that life-changing ceremony which could never be captured well enough to beat what happens live.

Aaah. What does it feel like to get married, ey? Is it as exciting as the preparations, or even better? Honestly, what does it feel like to finally know you’re going to spend your entire life with this one person? I can’t imagine what she feels right now, when I’m getting jitters thinking about something that’s not (and don’t know when is) happening to me.

Good luck, dear!

I’m sure you’ve wrapped your mind around this idea for so long already that you are more than ready!

Okay, who’s next?

after all

Here’s a question I have to pose out of the necessity to feed my mind’s curiosity. But honestly, I mean well and no offense to anyone at all. At all. Okay? Please don't take offense.

I was going through my teenage cousin’s Myspace and browsing through the pictures she took in class. She goes to a co-ad school, so naturally, there are pictures of hormonally challenged boys in it. Some girls were commenting on a particular boy and they were going all gugugagagugugaga over this boy. Me? I winced at the sight of this “drop-dead-gorgeous” “knight in shining armour”.

All freckled, dark (read: burnt, not tanned), pimple-ish complete with baby fat, how can anyone, anyone at all be all smitten with him?

Okay, I’m not being fair, maybe love is blind.

After all, I once owned a boyfriend whom my mother first thought was a drug addict with a beehive as a head.

Okay, I’ll stop blogging about this now. I just realised that I too, had taken the road not taken (read: dated weird partners) so I’m obviously not in the position to tell anyone not to date “freckled, dark (read: burnt, not tanned), pimple-ish complete with baby fat” boys.

Love, might be blind as we think after all, aye?

Eid Mubarak

ramai kan family saya :)

My attempts in writing anything festive about Raya have not succeeded. This is I think my 5^th draft. Let’s hope I succeed this time round. Ahaha. These are among the “perks” of being drugged. It simply takes away whatever little creativity I have left... hmmp. Yes, I was drugged. Paracetamol, antibiotics and the yellow pills were my best friends this Raya.

But Alhamdulillah, despite all them drugs I had to shove down my throat, my spirits and appetite (especially) were not at all dampened. Ketupat, rendang, soto, kuih; you name it, I ate them all. Even if I had to lug around my heavy head and glazy eyes around from house to house.

2 things are different this time around.

Number one: my knight and shining armour was not home to celebrate with us. It was a bit sad. Okay, it was alot sad. He’s like the rock out of us 3 and he’s in Adelaide studying. Although we did send him matching green baju melayu, sampin and the whole get-up, it will never be the same without him. I’m sure my family (my dad especially) feels the same way too...

Number two: being all grown up is no fun because we are sidelined where duit raya is concerned. I did my round of salam like always, but only received “selamat hari raya” and no green sampul. I sat at sides, watching, while turning green with envy as the little kiddies gleefully ripped open their green sampul to reveal the yummy money inside.

Luckily this time around, I’m not alone, since Aie (my eldest cousin) has also started working and no longer entitled to receive duit raya. So, since he was really kesian with me, he gave me one green sampul, which he prepared for the younger kiddies. Terima kasih Aie :). Terubat hati saya. Hihi.

On the second day, I did receive some (okay, 2 green sampul sahaja) out of the pity of some of my uncles and aunties who couldn’t stand seeing me sitting at one corner looking at the kids count their money. Well, the “perks” of growing up. We’ve all got to move on sooner or later, right?

All in all, this year’s Raya was better than I anticipated. Thanks to our younger cousins whose spirits were never dampened, not even for a second come rain or shine, which made it highly impossible for us not to be roped into the festive mood.

how can anyone NOT be in the festive mood with superheroes like these, ha?

and curious little girls like her, who love to admire K.Nisa's shoes. hehe.

And though I didn’t manage to message everyone in my contact list, I hope some of you, if not all would read this and know that I’m wishing you Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin. From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry if I’ve written anything here, or said anything in person, which has hurt any of you in any way at all. I hope that I will be forgiven.

hugs to one and to all :)

Thank you to all those well wishers, who messaged and called me (oh, yes, I got my phone back!).

Let the open houses begin!

p.s: my house is open all the time. please come in swamps, I really wouldn’t mind :)

sikat kutu

“awak, saya kat Feringghi nak apape?”

I hardly ask for anything. Tapi suddenly macam nak something pulak :p.

“sikat kutu yang ada manic-manik tu”

“okays dear. Saya cuba okay”

Wah. Pandai kan dia cari untuk saya. Siap belikan 2 yang cantik pulak tu. Hehe.

I’m a tad bit belated where this thing is concerned. When I was studying, I didn’t exactly want to splurge on accessories. When I started working I thought that RM 30 for one of these beauties was just too much. Then, Abduls comes along and asks me what I would like, so saya pesan lah ini dari Penang. There, he got 2 for RM 30. hehe.

As always, before Abduls heads back home to Melaka, he’ll drop by at my place. No, I don’t encourage him to put me before his mother, but it’s the more practical thing to do, since KL is on the way to Melaka from Penang.

After all, we spend like 4 hours with each other tops, if he’s on the way home. I would hardly call that a date especially if I haven’t seen him in eons but I’m not in the position to demand yet, am I. I’m just happy he dropped by :).

We buka together today. Along with Atit, Atan and Yanti. I was a tad bit quiet I think, but that’s only because we (my family) just watched The Other Boleyn Girl and somehow, it shocked me to see how twisted the English Royal Family really is.

It’s a bit sickening, to say the very least.

And then, when we got home, Abduls not only gave me the “sikat kutu”, he also gave me a little pouch to put my duit raya in. Matching sama baju raya. And he doesn't even know the exact green. Very pandai. :)

And we got excited about the sikat kutu, so I demonstrated how to use it.

He goes.... “Aaaah. Impressive”

And then, I salam him and promise to meet during raya. Our kampong is so damn near, we’re afraid we might be cousins. Yucks. Macam incest. But I don’t think so because we don’t have any relatives in Simpang Ampat. If I marry Abduls then we will start having relatives there :p

And then, I got a raya card from Hood. Haha. Terima kasih dearest!

And then, I showed off my pressies to my mom and sis.

And then, I bathe.

And then I see one missed call on my Digi. It's Abdul's maxis number.

I wonder why he didn't call my Maxis instead.

Thing is, he dialled.

*0

*1

*2

*6

*8

*4

*0

*2

*1

*1

And... The phone vibrates in Abduls pocket!

Yes, in all my excitement to show off my sikat kutu and how it works, I passed my handphone to him, which he conveniently stuffed into his jeans pocket and I forgot to claim it thinking that I put it in my handbag.

And now, some people will try to get through (I think) because some people want to meet up with me to collect their stuff.

And people can’t contact me.

I’ve already left one number here so I’m not sure if it’s wise to disclose my other number.

Digi is my dating phone, so I don’t like people to tut tut tut tut when I’m dating on the phone.

Haih...

Excited lagi pasal sikat kutu.

Mauahahahha. Jika saya tak reply Selamat Hari Raya it's because I don't have my handphone. Jangan marah okay?

And I am so mengarut today, no?

Yes, that’s because I’m happy, yes :D

presence

Hujan

The entire way to work, I listened to Everlong 3 times until I could even imitate the strum of the guitars. Thank you for remembering the rain and the cendol. Last night I slept smiling knowing how present you were all those times...

It meant a lot to me, although it is one of the things I least expected you to remember. May there be many more surprises like last night’s.

I heart you. Sangat.
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I’m sorry.

I was reading Hanim’s blog and I realized the there is so much truth in what she wrote. Just one simple question, in which I think no one really has the answer to. Why would anyone be your friend on Friendster and Facebook when you aren’t really friends outside the cyberworld. Sort of doesn’t make sense, kan Hanim?

Sometimes, I wish my egotism were smaller. It’s so, so, so HUGE, I don’t even know how to deflate it. But at least I’m brave enough to admit that I have an ego so huge that it’s a pain in the ass (even for me).

How to make myself more compassionate about things? How to be more curious? How to leave a message on someone’s wall without them leaving a message first? To me, it’s always been about reciprocity. But I’m starting to realize what a sickening concept it really is.

There’s nothing really wrong in messaging someone “happy birthday!” even when they forget yours, right? There’s really nothing wrong with sending out a “hi” or “how are you” even when they didn’t do it first right?

Really, there really is nothing wrong.

But I’m always waiting for someone to do it first, just to see if anyone actually thinks of me, or if someone actually remembers me without me having to remind them of my existence.

But then again, if America didn’t put itself on the map, it wouldn’t be on the map now, would it? Or if Tunku Abdul Rahman didn’t claim independence for Malaysia, we would still be… “Tanah Melayu, colony of Great Britain.”

I realize now that I have to be the one making more effort. I realize now that the only way for one to be remembered is by putting themselves on the map, where one can be seen, even if it is for the simplest of reasons.

Cik Natrah, I’m so sorry I didn’t message you on your birthday. Cik Natrah was my firm mate who stood up for me… ALL THE TIME. Even when I was super tough on them. She was my super rock who made sure no one hurt me. Eventhough it's just Fai yang suka kacau saya main-main.

Nadd Haridan, I’m sorry I didn’t message you on your birthday. Somehow, I feel like I’ve lost you because you haven’t been picking up my calls and haven’t been returning my messages. Actually, you’re part of that handful that I have left, and now, I’ve lost you too. What happened to our bingeing night outs? I miss you.

Apan, I’m sorry I did not make an effort to see you in Shah Alam for your 23rd gorgeous party. I had every intention to, but Putrajaya is so far away. But then again, I could have just driven there, not that I don’t have a car. I hate the excuses I make for myself.

Maybe that’s why no one does any surprise birthday parties for me or makes me feel like I belong to any group.

I’ve probably failed to make myself present at all…

I so have to start doing something. Living like a non-existent is just going to make me live in regret...