ole-ole

setiap hari aku pergi ke suatu tempat. dan setiap hari lebih banyak tempat yang aku lawat. teruja tak ingat dunia sebab cantik yang amat sampai tak terkata. kadang-kadang rasa macam taknak je buat kerja. nak duduk lama-lama kat tempat tu.

dahlah pergi semua tempat tu free belaka. tak payah bayar apa nak sampai. nak balik pon free sebenarnya. tapi kalau pegi melawat tak beli ole-ole serupa tak payah pergi betul tak.

saya rasa ada dalam 30 tempat dah saya pegi so far. tapi satu tempat pon saya tak beli ole-ole. kalau orang baca mesti rasa saya ni sengkek, kedekut dan sebagainya. dah kerja pon taknak belikan apape.

masalahnya, bila saya mula beli apape, mulalah nak lagi. itu ini itu. padahal nanti bukan guna sangat pon. baiklah saya simpan duit, ye tak.

tapi harini rasa geram pulak. dah sampai, hampir beli tapi masih tak beli. sekarang saya dah macm taknak balik. sebelum balik saya mesti nak merasa beli ole-ole.

tapi lepas ni macam mana.

macam mana ni online boutique oi. once I pop I cannot stop.

so kalau saya mula je click click click beli nanti nak lagi. dah la tak perasan itu wang keluar.

cis.

nasib la maybank takde duit.

haih…

tapi masih rasa nak beli..

kata setiap hari buat lawatan.

Don’t look back in anger

Ever gone through something in your life and then never figured out why it happened and then came to a halt and started thinking about why and when and how it happened?

I’m sure that most, if not all of us have.

When I walked away, I was so certain that I would never look back. But then again, aren’t we so certain all the time? More so when anger is at the vergeof jumping off that cliff and there’s no place to vent. So, yes, I walked away. Not many people know because none of us ever made a big deal out of it. After all, it was a private conflict in which no one is entitled to share and be a part of.

Sometimes I wonder if we were ever normal. Like the things we did on a weekly basis together or the things we talked about. Were they ever real? Or was it just one of those superficial friendships which looked all glossy and shiny on the surface when in fact, there was a storm brewing.

Truth to be told, I don’t really know.

I’m sure when it started and I know how and why. Betrayal. Lack of communication. And not to mention complacency on both parts just turned us into the persons we now are.

This; it’s really complicated.

Sometimes I can’t believe I called you my sister; my friend. Sometimes, I think it was because you became a person I would normally hate (but tolerated nonetheless) and I on the other hand, became a less tolerant person just because. We just became 2 people who were so similar yet so different.

Now, in retrospect, I can’t really believe those words that went unsaid. The hatred running through my veins. It’s not that I like feeling it. It just happens and I don’t know why.

So unsure I was that someone pointed out that there was a very thin line between love and hate. As we all know it.

The weirdest thing is; I don’t hate people. Never been a hater. Maybe I whine. Maybe I kutuk a bit or a lot but no one can help it and what I normally feel about something is normally far from hatred. Far from it.

I know I shouldn’t look back in anger. In fact, I’m not angry… but only when I’m not looking at all.

The only problem is, when I start looking, the anger seeps through me like a poisonous venom with no antidote.

incommunicado.

There was a time when we talked all the time. Now, we don’t talk at all during the day. And we’re too busy to bother bothering each other much or to make a fuss about being incommunicado.

But at nights, after prayers and ‘alone-time’, we sing to each other to our hearts’ content. It’s funny because I’m especially shy about solo concerts in public. It’s just that with him, I can sing because suara dia pon tak berapa nak sedap :P (tapi best sikit dari saya)

You’ll never guess what’s on our singing platter. From uber patriotic songs to hip hop to Malay classics to rock kapak. syiok okay.

And it amazes me how we can go from singing ourselves silly like a pair of tipsy teens to talking about the social contract. Yeah, I know, we’re random aren’t we.

And from social contract we go to, “awak tinge saya panas”. “oh, okay bye”.

takpayah terasa-terasa okay.

Best lah. cepat sikit balik KL please.

boleh gi double date sama mama and bapak.( lunch on them, as usual :p )

why women hate football

Today's drive home was nothing short of excruciating. I’m not joking, in fact, Mamin would probably ask me, “why so serious?”. But seriously. Due to the closure of the Smart Tunnel, it seemed like the entire country was on KL roads today.

And since I was on the road for 2 or more hours, I lost my temper, brought myself as low as other unethical drivers, sped when the roads became clearer although being fully aware of how slippery the roads were and the list goes on. Just let’s not talk about that right now okay.

But since I was in the car for 2 odd hours, I got to hear what people had to say when FlyFM asked the listeners what they thought was the real reason why women hated football so much. Most of the answers basically revolved around the fact that when it comes to football, women come in second, and football came in first in the guys’ list.

One guy even said that since football is a religion, the guy OBVIOUSLY can’t put anything above his religion, and so, football it is. Another one said, well, the game only lasts 90 mins and the rest of the day’s attention belongs to the girls, so why bother so much?

I couldn’t agree more with those who felt sidelined by football... at first. Because believe me, I have gone out on dates, all dolled up, wearing nice perfume, a touch of light make up and very exceptionally nice clothes (which is a big deal for me because I don’t dress up much) only to watch football at a Mamak Shop or Hartamas later.

What a waste of all the “dolling-up” I mentioned above, eh? And trust me, I have been extremely emotional about it before. Simply because

• I don’t understand the game
• Why did I put in all that effort if all he wanted to see was 22 guys running after a ball on that big screen?

So, when throwing fits didn’t help, I just decided tolearn to love the game he loves by buying almost matching jerseys so that we could wear them together when Arsenal was playing. That worked well.

And when that worked well, I started playing a bit of futsal. And then, I joined tournaments. Not big ones, but just enough to get me started on understanding the rules, etc.

And trust me, futsal is an extremely exhilarating game. Once you get to know futsal, football isn’t really that different apart from the size of the field and a few other simple rules.

Once you get to know the terminologies in football such as “offside” and “top corner” (even I know that that's pathetic but it's better than hating the game altogether, eh?), that would be sufficient to get you hooked to the game.

I think that women hate football because there is still a child in every one of us. "Apa-apa lelaki buat sumer tak best and girls main dolls je yang best. Boys ni yucks la." That kind of thing, I know you get what I mean. So, since it’s and unwritten rule somewhere that girls aren’t supposed to like football, lots of girls just jump on the bandwagon and hate football too. And since boys were somehow destined to hate make-up, they jump on the bandwagon, and hate make up too.

Actually, all we need is a little tolerance. Girls, be a sport and put on that team’s jersey for that game. Or in Jaja’s case, wear the rival team’s jersey since she and Mr. Bots like different teams. Get to know the game and give the game a chance, even if you really don’t want to give your man a chance.

They might just (more like you are allowed to make them) follow you in and out of shops in malls during your shopping trips, you know? Even if they don’t have the patience, the least is they’ll treat you to a nice lunch. And it is good to be together although half the time he's bickering at you for being so fickle. Trust me, they can learn to love seeing their girls play doll and try on this and that.

And even better, they won’t be able to say that they hate shopping, since we learned to love their football :)

(but I still whine sometimes) who doesn't?

like this time, see. dia happy giler and i'm just too tired to even pretend to be excited about the game.

:))

apology.

boleh tak kembang hidung lagiii :P

yang atas tu saya miss macam gile okay.

You see, I'm not one who takes people for granted. Not when I don't have to. The post "kosong" is about someone extremely close to me who is suffocating me and taking the life out of me though I know for a fact that she doesn't intend to do so. So since it's quite sensitive to mention her, I refrained.

Okay, back to the original post. Something I intended on writing and posting before Photoshop suddenly told me that I cannot open. Kata amik kat download.com. Memang la takle bukak agaknya. Now I don't feel like posting about it anymore.


It's so easy to misunderstand me, even when I don't try. It's easy to make me feel guilty like shit (Allah forgive me) because I hate making people feel bad about whatever I do. So although I don't try to please people all the time, I try not to hurt them all the same.

Guess this time I hurt someone by omission and it is not something I did intentionally.

And I know this public apology is something you may not want nor need. But I am sorry. And I know what this looks like, but I am sorry.

bad week healed.

jaja and dean, we missed you last night!

Last night was splendid. Though we were really disappointed that Jaja and Dean couldn't join us. The food was FANTASTIC I tell you. The array of food was enough to make us salivate before buka and of course when the time for buka came, we naturally became pigs (only metaphorically, of course. Can you imagine us snorting :)) ) . I tasted EVERYTHING. Apart from the bubur and soups selection, which I'm beginning to regret tremendously. Gila greedy okay. But I managed to finish most of the things I picked up yesterday and had a tremendous heart-to-heart session with the girls, just to get their point of view on some things that were bothering me.

It's been a while since I last saw the girls. Nadira excluded since her office is just one floor below mine. Hahaha. (but even that, we don't meet up that often) Last night was just a great antidote to a bad few weeks.

Oh, my bad days healed. Terima kasih darlings sekalian.

I hope in times to come when we're all somebodies, somewhere (InsyaAllah), we'll remain friends okay. I cannot imagine my life without MIKLOOCIP stories. Muahahaha.

kosong.

a few weeks back, i met someone from my past.
he was complaining about... well, the normal; his dad.
i told my mom about it and she told me to stay away from losers.
the thing is, i don't think i'm any much different from him in that sense because i complain on a daily basis (about something) too, though i might not whine to everyone about it.

but let's just say i don't mind being a loser for now, okay? so that i can at least let this out. this heavy, heavy load inside.

i feel empty; no, even that is an understatement. i feel dead.

do you know what i want to do right now? because if you do, please tell me since i have no idea what i want to do right now.
the last few weeks have been pretty tormenting for me. because i suddenly realised that i was comparing life in Uni with life at work. and working life pales tremendously in comparison to Uni life. the life back then was living life.

now, i'm just going through the motions.

there are so many things i want to do now, yet i don't know what's stopping me. no, actually, i know what's stopping me. and if you knew me well enough, you'd probably know too.

i miss my own time. does that make sense? how much more selfish can i be, aite? but, no. i think of it as a need that is now a pressing necessity.

i like space. i need to breathe.
without it, i recoil and become more reserved than i would like to. more than i intend to.
some people are already starting to think something's really wrong with me.

well, something is. feeling dead is a big problem right?

all i want is: time to think. but i've had too much thinking time.
now all i want is a big camera and a ticket to send me off somewhere so that i can think more.

so irrelevant. i know.