August 12, 2016

4 months after.


Atiya Ayesha, my darling baby girl.

You may be my second born, but honestly, there are times when you make me feel like a first time mother all over again.

Sometimes, I just can’t figure you out and most times, I just let you be you. After all, apart from the first few queasy weeks in my womb, you generally were a very chill little passenger – even ran 12km with me, remember?

So, I let you have your moments – and I constantly remind myself that all babies are different and that each child is a different experience. Only thing is that I sometimes act the way I do (which is so different from how I was with your brother) because mostly I am doing all of this alone (though technically, we all know that that’s no one’s fault). I’m not proud of myself for losing my cool sometimes and I’m really sorry for being so… different with you, but I’m trying, girl. I really am.

Because just like you, I too, am new– new at this “job” as a Mom of Two. We’ve both got so much of learning to do.

Be that as it may, let’s just say that we’ve been able to manage all of our incoming hurdles so far. We both may not have done it very gracefully what with the tears and screams and drama and all (we sure look eww-ish with our puffy-runny-nose after-tears face) and due to some major changes going on in my life, I’ve had to make some very expensive investments too (bertuah punya anak!) but all in all, everything has been okay.

Honestly, although I know that things will get easier once you’re a little older and I’m so not cool with me constantly losing my cool, especially since you now understand my tone of voice even if you don’t totally understand what I’m saying… I’m not desperate for you to grow up so fast.

I want to baby you a little while longer. I want you to stay my cute little Dobot for as long as you feel like it because I know that once you start to “jumpa kaki” you’re going to lose all that yummy baby fat and you’re going to start wriggling your way out of my arms. I want you to want and need me like I’m the only person who can make you feel comfortable and give you whatever it is that you need (which in our case for the moment is YOUKNOWWHATLAH) and I honestly already miss our moments during my Maternity Leave where we spent all day, every single day together just the 2 of us.

So yeah, I basically don’t want to hurry this experience and you can take your time… though I do hope that you’d keep the screaming to a minimum lah girl, because apart from losing my hair, I sometimes feel like I’m losing my hearing too =.=” but like I said before, all in all, we’ve been pretty much okay.

4 months after – we’re coping, we’re surviving, we’re learning and we’re still standing. And okay is okay enough for me. You’re that “glass ball” I hope I’ll never break.

Thank you for coming into my life, baby girl. Feels wonderful to have a life-sized “doll” of my own.

*I still owe you your birth story, hihi.

August 09, 2016

buat baik tak payah berpada.





Lately… I’ve been thinking really hard about Him and all of His Grand Plans.

Sometimes, I get it, but sometimes I just don’t and although I generally wonder why things happen the way they do, these days, I’ve just learned to keep calm and soldier on. No matter which way whatever goes, there is always a hikmah – I just need to be patient to find it.

Lately, many things have happened to myself and also the people around me. And these things have gotten me thinking about how important it is to be an all round good person – jaga kata, jaga pandangan and most importantly, jaga hati.

Apa pun yang jadi, jaga hati – jangan ada rasa benci, jangan sengaja menyakiti, jangan ada rasa dengki.

Because no matter how clich├ęd the saying “Life is a circle” is… it really is the truth. You just don’t know at which point in your life you’ll be at the bottom so best be prepared to be trampled on. But better still, best be prepared with the comfort of knowing that no matter what happens, there will be people who will have your back.

Kalau kita jahat/dengki dengan orang lain, kan dah susah? Because people will always remember how you make them feel and if 90% of the time you make people feel bad, there’s a high likelihood that people won’t feel bad about making you feel bad.

It’s a vicious cycle, I know. And it probably isn’t the way things should be… but it is.

So, better be safe than sorry – buat baik tak payahlah berpada-pada.

Tapi kalau orang baik, jangan lah pijak kepala pula.