January 21, 2015

what's done is done.

21/365.

I received an instruction from my Boss to attend a meeting on 21.1.2015 and for the life of me, I thought that 21/365 is tomorrow. It was when I passed the file on to the other officer involved, that I was told that today is the day. I wonder where Monday and Tuesday went to?

This week however, despite the absent-mindedness which seems to have hit me real hard on the head, has been a slightly better week than the last. 

Remember I said in the last post that last week was just a really long week?

Guess what? 

I had an emotional breakdown (which by the way, was the only "break" I really got). Ironically, the breakdown was caused by something which under normal circumstances would have been an otherwise joyous occasion! It was both funny and mysterious seeing myself sobbing uncontrollably. But my husband scooped me in his arms that night and let me sob myself to sleep. He told me (without saying a word) that it was okay to feel that way. 

The morning after the breakdown, I sat myself down with my sister and talked about the whole thing (but she's not the cause of my breakdown, okay!). Occasionally, bile rose in my throat from the hurt I still somehow felt inside. Seems like what I felt was totally normal and my reaction towards that occasion is somewhat warranted.

BUT.

Now that that fact is established, it's time to move on. 

Maybe this is the wake-up call that I needed. 


What's done is done.


January 14, 2015

the route unknown.

14/365.

6/365 was my first working day for the year. I survived the day (and week) with flying colours and it most definitely turned out a whole lot better than I expected, which is wonderful Alhamdulillah!

This week though, has been a rather tough week, so with only 2 days (plus minus) to go until the weekends come, you can imagine the state of my excitement! Mengalahkan budak-budak sekolah, I kid you not! 

After taking a break from running (not really by choice) for the whole of December, I started running again when January came. And 11.15 miles later, I have come to realise one thing; 

I always do better when I'm out on a new route. 

They aren't really "new" as in "unknown" kind of new, in fact I pass by those routes almost daily, sometimes, twice daily but there's something mysteriously exciting about embarking on the path by foot so much so that I keep going and going without even realising that I'm done.

During my last run, which happens to be my first attempt at running 5k non-stop since November, which also happens to be one of those days when I decided not to take my normal route, I thought about the possibility of taking a route which I have never ever thought of taking; which is to leave the known

I don't think about this very often (though ironically, my opinion is always sought when someone thinks about leaving the known) but that day, I just thought of the many "what ifs". I asked myself the important questions I normally ask my "clients" when they seek for advice, which among others include, 

"Do you (at the moment) feel underpaid?"
"Is the subject matter one which you don't have any interest in?"
"Do you have a special medical condition which doesn't allow you to be in a stressful environment?" (this job generally is not for the faint-hearted, I assure you!)
"Does the offer out there have enough of a pulling factor?"
"Where are you going to send your kid while you're at work?"
etc., etc., etc..

And I answered "No", "It is extremely interesting", "Not yet", "I have never received an offer because well... I have never applied to anyone", and "I can't deal with him stressing out about changing schools again".

So...

Yeah.

Maybe all I really need is a break

(and to think that I said that just after 2 weeks entering the New Year!)

Hoping that next week would be a better one! Phew!


January 01, 2015

ampat tahun lah!!!

 1/365.

(autopublished)


Oftentimes (in the past years), the actual day of our anniversary isn't always the happiest time of the year. I don't know why (well, I do know why actually) but I have somehow become content with the way things are because what's one day compared to the rest of the (happier) days in that year, which by the way, was wonderful, right?

(that, coming from me was huge, right? hehe)

Like any good old couple, we've had our fair share of fights and arguments, but as thegoodquote.co says, "Never give up. Great things take time." And truthfully, even with all lows that we go through in our marriage, the highs have been pretty amazing too. 

So to the man after my own heart, thank you for all that you do; for the roof over my head, for the food on our table, for your neverending affection and generosity and your efforts in ensuring that we're always happy. 

And I may not say it as often as I should, but I love you, I really do. 

AMPAT TAHUN LAH!!!


(to many more amazing years, in sha Allah okay?)