December 31, 2014

going back to basics.

 365/365.

Earlier this year, I entered the year with only one resolution in mind, which is to make 2014 happy (read here). At some point, I even thought that it was a funny resolution, but a necessary funny one all the same. And honestly, because of that one rather odd resolution, 2014 was a rather good year for me. Of course on the bigger scale; globally and nationally, things didn't turn out so well, but personally, this was one of the better years for me yet. 

Having gone through such a great year, I kind of feel sad to leave it all behind. I know for sure that it was a good year not just by fluke, and it certainly did require alot of effort on my part and I guess that's what's making me even more nervous wondering if I can keep it up in 2015 and the years to come.

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In our younger years, our resolutions were so much simpler (not to mention, much funnier too LOL!). Once, I even had this log book dedicated to my resolutions and I vividly remember that one of those resolutions was to make SF my best friend (HAHAHAHAHA)! SF is no longer my best friend and we haven't been in contact for so long, but that's not really the point. My point is that as we grow older, we tend to take simplicity for granted. 

We go through year after year after year trying to make resolutions bigger and better than the last and in so doing, all simplicity (and some of reality too I reckon) gets lost in translation. 

We end up with unattainable goals and shoes which are too big to fill. And we end up frustrated. 

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So, I've decided that in 2015, I'm going to go back to basics.

Be happy(ier), give back more to society, read more, call family and friends more often, clean my office desk more often, exercise more frequently, probably make another baby (eh? hahahahah) etc. etc. etc...

I really don't know yet how I'm going to go about it. And I don't know yet if 2015 and the years to come are going to be as good to me as 2014 has been (it's going to be pretty hard to beat, I admit) but I guess that's part of the challenge that I'll have to face. 

That's life, so bring it on! 

1/365 coming in 12 hours time.

|And here's 2014 in a nutshell|


December 29, 2014

the dark days are over.


November was such an amazing month for me that I sometimes couldn't believe how lucky I got. In fact, there were times when I thought it was just too good to be true.

It actually was.

Orang tua-tua selalu kata, "Jangan gelak kuat sangat, nanti menangis."

They said it for a reason. And a good one too.

Because just 2 days after my last post in November, my life flipped and I entered into what I would call the "dark days".

I knew then that those dark days would eventually end, but I just wished I knew when.
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Then suddenly, we have the entire office all to ourselves until the end of the year. Although the end of the year seems like such a long time, it's actually just about 3 days from today. Or is it 2?

Be that as it may, I find myself acting like a kid who just won a free pass from prison. And so many things which I have unintentionally abandoned during those dark days are begging me for their attention, this blog and a myriad of other seemingly tedious and insignificant (but rather important, if that's possible) stuff, like filing of my personal documents, for instance.

Now that 1/3 days is coming to an end, I sure do hope that the next 2 will be alot more productive than this. also hope that I would be able to begin next year with better spirits, and on the right foot.

For now, I'm just happy that the dark days (for me at least) are over and I'm going to enjoy it while I can.

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In remembrance of our fellow Malaysians who are suffering from the floods in the East Coast and Northern regions of Malaysia, I'd like to share with you something that I read in a book (which I've already posted on Facebook) -


From Soalan 19 daripada 47 Persoalan Berkenaan Qadar dan Qadha - Bolehkah musibah disandarkan kepada taqdir Allah?

Please know that you are not alone in this as we are all being tested too. 

With hardship comes ease, in sha Allah.




December 23, 2014

count your blessings to find what you look for.

So, yesterday, Mama called me to ask me about something. It's been such a long, long, long time since I last talked to her. In fact, it's been a long time since I last updated anyone at home about my well-being; not even on Whatsapp. My sister told me that they're all getting a little worried of my silence. 

Anyway, after we were done talking about business, Mama asked me how things generally are. I think she sort of sensed that I was holding "something" back, mothers naturally being the intuitive people that they are. And with that, came the whole heart to heart session along with the water works, which was expected and also accepted with calming, soothing words from the other side of the line.

Mama then told me that in the face of all this adversity, I really should count my blessings and to always remember that Allah is here for us. And that this phase, like every other good and bad phase I've been through in my life, shall pass.

To many, Mama's advice may just be an overused hackneyed expression meant to be said when nothing else could be said, but I knew that Mama wasn't just using that advice because she had nothing better to advise; she really, really meant it and wanted me to think real hard about it. 

Which I did. 

Yesterday, after battling with a severe bout of demotivation and feeling exhausted from being emotionally battered, I returned to my family, who didn't expect me to be back so early, but jumped with utmost joy from the surprise, nonetheless. 

Last night, as we huddled together under the duvet, trying to keep each other warm (it was raining non-stop yesterday), I realised that that was the happiest I've been in close to a month. And that was probably all it would take to make me really happy for all my life. 

I won't lie and say that I'm feeling a 100% better today, but I'm somewhat feeling better. Because next to that door slammed shut right in my face, are a the million other doors which have widely opened for me. And when I think about those open doors, I know that I'm actually alot luckier than I think. 




December 22, 2014

"normal"

Under normal circumstances, very few things can leave me unfazed.

Only recently (the past 4 weeks of silence on this blog kind of recently), I'm beginning to wonder what "normal" really is.

I used to think that minding my own business was the most normal thing to do. I come in. I do my job. I leave. I repeat. I don't care about what other people have in their trays. I don't bother them with what I have in mine. And to a certain degree, I expect reciprocity for all the respect I accord to others; their work, their time and their ethics (or even lack of). 

In a nutshell, I do what I need to do to keep my balance. After all, it is said that to avoid falling off the bicycle, you've got to keep on peddling, which I do. But when someone kicks my bike intentionally so that I fall down and hurt, just for the fun of it, I begin to wonder if I've been doing things wrong. And if I too should play that dirty game called "dengki".  

Truth to be told, that thought consumes me. I sometimes catch myself inadvertently scheming evil thoughts and plans because I think that whatever it is I am going through right now is so unfair and that the only way the other person can learn is through a hard and bitter lesson. Each time I think of all that I should do to avenge myself, my chest hurts so bad because it is so abnormal to align each and every thought and action so maliciously, that I start to wonder how others who so naturally do it, can do it so naturally. 

 Seriously. How do you do what you do?

How do you sleep at night?