And that day was yesterday.
Yesterday morning was... for want of better word, rough.
It wasn't even close to 8 a.m. when my husband texted me, asking me to search for his house keys. His keys were the bigger bunch; it had not only the main entrance's keys, but also all other keys to the doors in the house. Losing it was definitely a cause for concern, so you can imagine how I was about to "lose it". And he told me that the last time he remembers seeing those keys was when I locked up the grille when we were leaving the house on Sunday morning and that he can't remember whether or not I gave them back to him.
Mentally, I was having a monologue with him,
"How on earth could you lose something so important?"
"If you already knew that it was missing since yesterday morning, why only search for them now?"
"Why am I to blame in this whole thing (although he never blamed me for anything)?"
And like every single time I get angry at my husband for something he supposedly did or didn't do, I replay my mom's advice in my head, which is to -
"never say anything harsh to your husband, no matter how mad you are. you cannot take back your words and harsh words are words that hurt."
I inhaled, I exhaled. And I decided not to respond.
I was running late. For some reason, my scarf took more time than usual to fix, Luqman slept in late (of all days boy! On a Monday! WHY OH WHY DON'T YOU SLEEP IN ON WEEKENDS, HEHEHE). I was forgetting things and of course, that monologue kept playing in my head and I was trying not to lose my temper over everything else.
Finally left the house with baby on one arm and bags on the other and rushed to send Luqman to school. As I was dropping him off at his playroom, I saw one of the teachers organising diapers when it hit me, "OHMYGOD, I did not just forget his diapers, did I, did I?" Frantically, I searched his bag, to no avail. I left him anyway and sped back home to get his diapers.
And then I remembered my staff pass, and noticed that I didn't see it in the car this morning at the spot I normally put it. So, after packing Luqman's diapers, I frantically searched each and every one of my handbags, of course at the time cursing myself for having so many of them and "why on earth would anyone make handbags with so many compartments anyway" questions were firing away in my head. Unfortunately for me, even after I turned the handbags inside out, my staff pass was nowhere to be found.
I rushed back to Luqman's school, dropped off his diapers and rushed to the office. I was already late. I had to beg security to get to Level B3 and then had to rush to security counter to get my temporary pass. Meanwhile, I was scouring my handbag for any signs of the staff pass, when I suddenly discovered my husband's house keys entangled with the cobwebbed mess in it.
"No wonder he couldn't find it in here. Even I took time to find it."
So then, I RAN upstairs and it was already 8.45 a.m.
Not even half the day was gone but I was already sweating profusely and to make matters worse, I was wearing a very easily creased white shirt. *Sigh*
Oftentimes, my friends who are about to get married ask me whether I know for sure that he's "the one". I always tell them that I don't. For me, marriage is a "gamble"; and a good one. And constantly, my advice has been to find someone you can be friends with because for a long while after you get married, your spouse becomes your best friend, even perhaps your only friend, so you've got to choose well. You don't want to marry your dad, but your don't want to marry someone who can't lead you either. So, it's okay to be a little bit picky, I think.
But sometimes I think because I've known him since I was 20 and because we have been friends for that long, despite the wifely duties I do daily, I sometimes forget that he's not just my friend, but also my husband.
And my husband deserves my respect and my apologies when it is due.
Regretfully though, egotism is my biggest problem and my biggest vice. And because it does me no good, I have recently decided not to be so egoistical about things. Say what you feel and feel what you say.
So, I said,
"I found the keys. I'm sorry about the keys. I really don't remember it (the keys) being in my bag."
And he said,
"It's okay, as long as it's not lost."
I then told him about losing my staff pass, and he told me that he put it in compartment between the seats because it kept on falling! Haha. I quickly ran back to the car and found it where he said it was. Finally, I clocked in at nearly 9 a.m.
But you know what? Despite the terrible start to the day, yesterday turned out well. In fact, the whole day was wonderful.
So, I reckon that saying "I'm sorry" definitely saved the day.
Say what you feel, and feel what you say.