September 16, 2013

glass ball, rubber ball.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I can’t quite put into words what’s been happening for the past month or so, so I’ve basically summed it all up in the title of this post.

It’s been a month plus at the new place and I don’t know why I keep on counting the days. I’m sure nobody’s keeping score and truthfully neither am I, but each time I look at the calendar and realize that it hasn’t even been 60 days, I wonder why it has felt like so long. 

In a nutshell, my days have begun early and ended late. Every. Single. Day. 

But because I have been previously forewarned and I have also set my mind to making the best out of these best laid plans, I followed through every single day like nothing had changed in my life, when all the while some things in my life were breaking down bit by bit by bit because of the change. 

Little did I know, much less realize, my body was the one thing that took the most toll out of it all. 

I had to go through this particular ordeal and after that ordeal, I came to the realization that no one is going to care about me if I place very little importance on myself.

A friend reminded me that work is a rubber ball and family is a glass ball. One will bounce back if dropped, but the other will break. And I learnt the hard way that out of all the facets of the glass ball, I am probably the most fragile (at least for the moment) and that if I break, everything else around me will crumble. I've also learned that people who are nice on the surface may not be the kindest, and people who have been rumoured to be the worst can be some of the nicest people and more understanding than you think.

So, I’m learning to put my foot down and to put my needs before others’. It’s a work in progress and it’s going to be a long, long time before I’d be able to say I’ve achieved the perfect balance.

But for now, I’m all set on keeping my glass ball from breaking.

90/50 | tachycardia | 38.3 degrees | Reminder to self : DO NOT REPEAT |