June 28, 2013

please keep in touch.

Some time around March-April this year, I went through a really dark stretch in my life. And since most of my problems centred around the subject matter of work (what else!), talking it out with people in the organisation didn't seem to help.

After a while, talking about it at all caused me heartache and that's when I decided to Press 9.

And so, I reached out to Ayu, hoping she'd share a bit of her wisdom with me.

Which she gladfully did.

After that, the ball started rolling.

It began with an email attaching a picture from 2009 during Ryan's birthday celebration (in which we all looked so young and fresh and alive), and a few Whatsapp messages later, we convened at Da's house for "lunch".

Well, "lunch" being inverted obviously because it was really late when we finally got to eat.

Ehem to the latecomers. He he he.

***

So, what's changed?

Nothing. Like, really. N O T H I N G.

Well, unless you start to count the wrinkles and the small patch of maturity that's grown on us... (and of course the little boy in the picture he he he)


Otherwise, we're still the goofy bunch of people who like to poke fun at each other, who still haven't learnt to cook just enough for 8, but decidedly thought that we're all hungry enough to eat a feast for 20... (but still, nothing can beat the amount of leftovers during our PD getaway years ago!).

Clearly, all my fears all this while has been baseless, so to speak...

Basically, I'm happy to report that we picked up from where we left off and slid right back into the friendship like the years apart didn't ever happen.

As you would have guessed, I was over the moon because of the gathering and I'm glad that I can still call them my friends. Probably the only few real ones that I still have.

I shall forever treasure these people - the first few friends I made upon entering Service.

Optimistic as I may be, and of course hopeful that we'd meet more often, my only hope right now is for us to be able to meet at least once a year after this.

Keep in touch, please do keep in touch.

Much ♥

June 10, 2013

"efficient"

It's been relatively quiet on my blog because life has mostly been about work lately. And to be honest, it's okay. My principle is that you go to work to work, so when there's work, work! It really is that simple.

But if there's anything I don't like about work are those free riders. In fact, that's one of the major things that pisses the living daylights out of me. A lot.

I'd like to think that I'm a team player although I actually enjoy dealing with my own files on my own. But realistically speaking, there are times when you just have to work with others, which I do. And most of the time, I tolerate idiosyncrocies because let's face it; I ain't perfect. 

What I cant' tolerate though, is when those idiosyncracies are at the expense of others. Like when one person is so "efficient", almost bordering on incompetent, that the other people on the team have no other choice but to take on his/her burden. Best of all is that the "efficient" person is maintained on the team and takes on just as much credit at the rest of the more "burdened" ones.

Now that's just not cool. Not cool at all.

People may say that that's one of the hazards of working in a team and I agree. But what I don't agree with is the part where we tolerate so much that we are deemed as condoning such bad, bad, bad behaviour resulting with unnecessary heartache and dissatisfaction.

At the end of the day, the more "burderned" ones will wonder whether it's really worth being too competent when it is, in actual fact, alot easier to just be the "efficient" one.

It's such a vicious, demotivating cycle. YES. IT. IS. Even for the best team players.

And because of this vicious cycle, I've concluded that one of the two compulsory meetings I'll have to attend every week, throughout the year will probably be some of the most stressful moments of my life.

I simply hate "efficient" people.

I just like them when they're eff. And no, that's not a bad word, thank you very much.

Please God spare me the heartache.

June 07, 2013

same amount (of hours), different impact.

I was just about to write tomorrow (today?) about how some people can get the same amount of sleep in a day, yet feel different impacts, depending on what time they actually sleep.

Yesterday, I was so bummed out that I actually fell into a really deep sleep while nursing Luqman (which is really early) and that resulted with me waking up really early too. Even though I had to remain awake for the whole day at work, I didn’t feel tired. Well, at least not as tired as if I slept later and woke up later also.

Do you get what I’m trying to say? Say if I sleep at 10.30 and wake up at 5 a.m., I’d feel fine but if I slept at 12.00 but woke up at 6.30 a.m., I’d feel like crap the whole day. Get it, get it? Don’t know why I’m being over descriptive, but yeah, I’ll be really happy if you understood this well.

Well, anyways. When my husband was away, the whole “sleep early-wake up early” routine was actually a routine born out of necessity. Since he came back, I’ve been sleeping a whole lot later, obviously, (ahem) and also waking up a lot later but this recent incident where I felt really happy throughout the day though I had been up since 5 a.m. incident really just proves how much of a morning person I am.

Or am I?

I think I’ve always been a morning person, even during my high school days. When I was a third former, which is 13 years ago (ohmygod!), I remember being the only one at the study room in the wee hours of the morning, revising, studying, doing homework, etc.. Not that the rest of the girls were any less hardworking, of course, but what I’m trying to say is that while they all burned the midnight oil, staying up late really didn’t work for me so I woke up earlier instead.

So, yes, I guess I always have been a morning person.


Which is why the very fact that I am still up at this hour is a mystery, even to me though I’ve tried all kinds of things to no avail. For one, I could be hungry but I’ve already made myself a huge “mug” (more like tall glass, actually) of hot cocoa hoping that it’ll appease my hunger pangs. But the hot cocoa seems to make me more awake than asleep at the moment I'm afraid. I’m definitely not stressed out. I don’t have any more chores to do (well, unless I decide to mop the floor this very night and spring clean our kitchen). At the end of it all, I really don’t know what all this "I can’t sleep" is all about.

I just really hope I won’t wake up grumpy.

Grrr. I seriously, seriously really want to sleep. Sigh.

June 05, 2013

Lelaki luar biasa?

To me there is a mile of difference between lelaki luar biasa and a suami luar biasa.

My husband wasn’t a lelaki luar biasa. I dare say that because he wasn’t the romantic type. Generous, maybe. Compassionate, most definitely. Likeable to everyone. But never quite romantic.

But as far as being a husband is concerned, I do honestly think that he is a suami luar biasa. And I’m not saying this just because he’s an avid reader of my blog (probably my only real fan!) but because it’s the truth and nothing but the truth (over sangat I know!).

My husband is the type who helps around. Alot. Which is the reason why I don’t feel the pressing need to hire a maid, save for a temp who could help around with major cleaning once in a while. But for the most part of our married life so far, he plays his role as a husband really well, and doesn’t expect me to play the role of the doting traditional wife with me also working and everything.

As the cherry on top, he’s very supportive of my breastfeeding efforts and he’s really great with children and even better with our own kid.

Not only that, he is still the kind, compassionate man I married and still as generous as ever. If he had to spend every last penny on his back to make me the happiest woman on earth, he would.

So, last weekend, he woke us all up really early on Saturday morning, insisting that we had to get out of the house by 8.30. I mean, come on please. So early on Saturday morning? And he wouldn't tell where we were going! Much as I loved spontaneous outings, I know I wouldn’t enjoy it enough if I wasn’t at least a tad bit prepared (i.e. if spontaneous meant we were going to the beach or something).

I was about to make a thousand excuses but decided not to when I saw how serious he was.

After packing Luqman’s food and EBM (because my husband INSISTED that I take a break from direct feeding and should just enjoy the day without having to worry about being a “tap” and that it was inappropriate for me to breastfeed where were going) and asking a thousand times whether I was dressed appropriately enough for wherever it was we were heading to (sekali pergi kenduri takkan nak pakai jeans, right?), he drove us out of the house.

He headed for LDP. And then, he turned into a junction which I know would lead to Jaja’s house. But it isn’t my birthday, nor is it my baby shower, nor am I in the know of any celebration of any kind, so I was kind of confused.

Then, after some wrong turnings, we finally came to Jalan Tiga – at Rosena SPA!

Yes, my husband drove us all out so early in the morning so that I could spend the day at the spa.



Alone. No interruptions. Just me, red roses to kick off the mood, some soothing music, a long and much needed pampering session and time to not think about anything. AT ALL.

As you would have guessed, I had the TIME OF MY LIFE!

Those 4-5 hours just lying down on the bed, getting my treatments done was just absolute bliss!

After the facial and also the whole lulur, urut, sauna and mandi bunga (yes, told you my husband is generous!), and of course the naps in between I unabashedly took while I was being pampered, I came out rejuvenated and feeling better about myself than I’ve ever felt in a long, long time.

So, yes.

My husband may not have been the knight in shining armour I was hoping for while we were dating. But he sure is my suami luar biasa. And mine and mine alone (hopefully forever).

I couldn’t ask for a better partner, a better friend, a better protector or a better husband.

And I count my blessings for that.

Bak kata Mama, “Lucky Daughter, Five Star Menantu”.

Alhamdulillah.

June 03, 2013

those 10 days in May.

There were some 10 days in May where I rediscovered the joys of motherhood under the most tragic circumstances. Why tragic? Because my boy was diagnosed with the much dreaded Hand Foot Mouth Disease (HFMD).

Plus, it was a bit crazy that we were quarantined and weren't allowed to leave the house under strict orders of the Doctor. It was tiring because my boy was clingy because he wasn't feeling well, but be that as it may, being able to stay home and watch him grow and heal right before my eyes was just priceless. Priceless, priceless, priceless.

I'll admit that I thought about quitting my job more than once in the span of those 10 days. And that coming from me, is huge.

Now, it's been three weeks since I went back to work and every now and then, I still think about leaving my job to care for my family.

But, the way I see it, what I'm doing now is also tantamount to caring for my family; just in a different way. If I don't work, I won't be able to earn. And if I don't earn, I can no longer walk into Mothercare or Toys R Us and come out bearing clothes and toys for my son. And that will kill me. Even if my husband had the money, it really wouldn't give me the same satisfaction, I am sure. So, it really is not that easy after all.

Still... there are days when I wished I could relive those 10 days, record every single moment of it. And keep it in a bottle. So that I could always revisit whenever I feel like I'm missing out too much on my motherhood.