July 31, 2008

it goes two ways.

sometimes, talking things out can go 2 ways; either it makes you feel better or it makes you feel alot more shitty than you did before.

i feel the latter.

i've been talking alot about things and that has made me come to a devastating conclusion.
damn.
damn.
damn.

you have no idea what it feels like to feel the latter at the moment.

can i take leave to sort things out?

please?

July 26, 2008

kong ajaq.


siapa ajar kau bm ha? :))
so sad, kesian...
dah jadi 'kong ajaq'. kurang diajar. :))

July 24, 2008

decisions.

Never compare yourself to anyone....

That would be like insulting yourself.

Smart isn’t it? I saw it on my colleague’s laptop; it’s her screen saver. It might be her own quote, but she might have also gotten it off somewhere. If I find out, I will definitely give credit to that brilliant person for the big boost in self-esteem.

Though, really, I have no self-esteem issues to begin with.

Alot has been going on in Malaysia of late. As much as I’d like to comment on some of them, I’d really rather not because I don’t think commenting on anything would change anything. So, let’s not waste my 2 cents eh?

Work is starting to pile up but I have no complaints because it makes the hours in a day fly by faster. That means the wait for the clock to strike 5 would not be so agonising. I’m just taking everything at a stroll because I’m not ready to recreate my workaholism mistakes during Honours, Part II especially.

Since we're on the topic of current issues and what not, why must the price of fuel be this expensive? I remember once upon a time ago, it was merely RM 60 for a full tank. And that allowed me to practice driving around KL and what not. At that time, I remember driving in and out of KL, driving to and from Shah Alam. Driving around to take the stress away. Driving around just for the sake of driving.

I had no squabbles to go and see friends even if they were at the other end of town because it didn’t burn a hole in my pocket.

Now, not only does it burn, it literally rips out whatever savings I have from my being prudent during my varsity years.

Memang silaturrahim goyah akibat harga-harga naik ni.


I should go off now. I’ve nothing very interesting to blog about.

But I’ve made quite a huge decision and I’m a tad bit scared of it. I know I can still turn back but... you know... it’s just not in me. Or maybe I’m just being paranoid?

Maybe. Let’s pray that it was a good decision that I made. Amin.

July 22, 2008

panggilan langit tujuh petala.

//shall be edited in due time with pictas. right now doing work. but i'm still a 3/4 time blogger i think (?!)

okays, edited with pictas. lots of it.

It is at times like this that I wished I didn’t have to go to work. I’m such an ungrateful brat, don’t you think? When the entire nation is cutting down on costs and freezing positions in the Govt., I landed myself a job. Yet here I am today, sitting here, thinking of what I might want to do the moment I finish my bond with JPA.

And it’s also at times like these that I wish last weekend didn’t have to end. Seriously. Last weekend was one of the most adventurous and thrilling weekends I’ve had in weeks! Or is it months?

I do not regret giving up my beauty sleep at all. And many thank you(s) and smooches to Mr. Blue for coming all the way from Penang. Though he had other things to settle and yours truly of course, had work to do, we managed to spend lots of quality hours together.

( terima kasih awak kerana melayan bapak di shopping mall. you know how mama and I can be when we are engrossed in choosing stuff :p )


We went to the reptile exhibition in OU at the heed of Mr. Blue’s persuasion.

berani kan dia? pegang ular macam tu phone cord. haha. atau roti boy?

Despite my earlier objections (I cannot help my fear of reptiles and all things that crawl!), I really did enjoy myself. It was quite an experience for me. I got to hold a monkey, though I’m still quite disappointed that it refused to look at the camera when we were taking photos. Dengan Abdul okay saja(!!? )

albino lizard!

semart lah picta ni. ahahaha

tgk ni. dengan abdul dia nak gang...

dengan saya tanak pandang dah!

And we also watched The Dark Knight. Now, I’ve read a lot of comments and reviews on this movie in blogs, papers and articles alike. And what I’m about to say is not just for the sake of not wanting to jump on the bandwagon, but it’s also because it is genuinely what I feel about the movie.

To me, it was just okay. I know this is a very unpopular opinion that many may disagree with. But Seriously. It was nothing that I fancied much to begin with; what with all the fighting and bombing and fire and things like that. I already know the tricks so they didn’t seem so real anymore. Or have I just grown older? And it did get a tad bit draggy at one point because I remember that we were getting ready to get off our seats and suddenly there were more scenes.

So, yes, I think it was a so-so movie. Though, Heath Ledger (R.I.P) played his manic, Joker part pretty damn well, so I will salute him for that at least. But other than that, I’d rather watch Alvin and the Chipmunks, no joke! (So I guess I haven’t really grown up that much, considering my preference in movies)

Other than that, Mr. Blue and I had a series of silly (read: crazy) photoshoots, which made my mom come downstairs because we were giggling real loud at our own silly faces.

Officially, we are both supercamwhores and super self-timers. Yes! Finally, I get to fully utilize this function in the camera!

sibuk nak sangat amik gamba new tshirts he got for us downtown. thhihih.

arale! arale!

ouh, yes, he loves bapak's car...

macam kena papparazzo tak?

more of showing off our tshirts. i think mine is super smart lah!


And just a word from me on relationships; if you really want to know what it feels like to really appreciate you partner, try not seeing him for 4-6 weeks. Nothing beats that feeling. Even if you’ve gone in and out of fights, silly misunderstandings and more silly stuff couples just have to do, nothing beats seeing his face and asking, “how are you and how was your flight.” Hehe. Just a humble thought, btw. I’d probably be happy (read: ecstatic! weehu!) if Mr. Blue moved to KL or Melaka permanently. Who wouldn’t, eh?

akibat amik gamba ikut tinggi si pendek.

ihih. apakah ini?

wheelbarrow model

picta reads: i love my job, i hate my boss. can we eat now?


and at this point, we were just being plain silly.
dua kali tgk macam hindustan pulak

and became sillier... and sillier...
actually ni macam comel sebenarnya.

as the day got hotter, and the time to say byebye came nearer. i've said bye for approximately 6 times (yes, 6 kali sahaja berjumpa) this year face to face and i still can't take it well. how?

And we had the thrill of our lives on Sunday! Thank God he didn’t miss the flight! Ahahah. It was a bit like Explorace really but Alhamdulillah, we managed to think of and also find alternatives so that all that money paid for the ticket wouldn’t turn out to be such a waste.

Ouh, saya terlupa. Abdul telah mendapat panggilan langit tujuh petala. If you’re his blog reader, you might just understand (winkwink) thhhiih.

So, when’s our batting cage and bowling outing?

July 20, 2008

he loves me, he loves me not.

U wanta know what my weekend was like?

U really wanta know what my weekend was like?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Okays. I tell you what happened.

I had a fight with the wheelbarrow over my boyfriend.

I don’t make sense?

EXPLAIN THIS!

He’d rather smooch the barrow than his chubby-cheeked girl!

Wuwuwuwuw.

I cry cry cry.

Preview only.

More lovely pictas from a lovely weekend to come :)

and here we come to save the day!

July 16, 2008

God-Awful Painful SCB.

I crossed the parking lot with my blue umbrella. I kept on walking despite the soft ground giving way beneath my feet. It’s been raining really hard. Evidence all around the grounds of our Musee du Louvre. I’m walking really fast. If I were on holiday, I’d probably be sleeping in this weather.

But now and today, I need one thing and one thing only. I’m in dire need to cry.

My chest hurts from all the emotions I have (hopefully) compressed up until Mami gave me a call to ask about the Convo forms.

Time spent in the car was just to let all those emotions flow freely. Tears, tears and more tears streamed down my face. It’s painfully painful. It’s a God-awful feeling that I can’t even start to explain.

And I get very emotional over these things. So be it. I let soppy sappy emotional songs play so that I can cry more. Everything hurts. Chest, throat, eyes, brain.

Everything.

I didn’t even think of lunch although I’d soon hyperventilate from non-consumption of rice.

And still, after bucketful of tears, it all still hurts.

July 15, 2008

i'm not okay.

i’m not okay.

maybe i shouldn’t be so stupid, fickle minded and bloody possessive perhaps?

though i’m not that possessive, i am pretty fickle.

so, yes, i’m not okay, okay?

:((

July 13, 2008

what are they looking for?

What are they looking for?

This week alone, there have been approximately 3 roadblocks which are within my knowledge. I don’t know if there have been more on roads which I have not been using, but for me, 3 out of 7 days is evidence that something is very wrong with our country that we have to block roads all the time.

I know it’s neither prudent nor very smart to tell what or who they are looking for (because obviously those whom they are looking for might run away), but not knowing what the authorities are looking for just makes people want to lift their middle finger. The traffic today, like every other day with a roadblock was just terrible.

We don’t know who or what they were looking for, but they sure did not have that serious I-must-catch-you expression, which made us want to lift our middle finger even more. We know that one of the main reasons of such traffic is because our ‘honourable’ DS has no-class mentality which spells; Malaysians must bring every single piece of dissatisfaction to the streets!

As if we have nothing better to do than listen to hedonistic and sometimes even nonsensical ideologies which have all proven to be words which do not work, it beats me as to why people join because I don’t see the point. And it beats me as to why the authorities hold roadblocks because if these nonsensical people choose to go to nonsensical gatherings, we should let them stay in their nonsensical bubble perhaps?

I know, I know; prevention is better than cure. But I tell you what... no one can prevent a person from thinking and doing nonsensical things, nor can anyone cure a nonsensical person. Let’s not waste our resources on this nonsense and concentrate on preventing the escalating crime in our country, shall we?

As for me, I am looking for a flat and a flatmate. A good flatmate. Another Mami, perhaps?

I find that this is the most difficult thing for me to do right now. I’m a fussy flatmate, okay? I admit that. I want someone who will clean toilets and sweep hair-laden floors without me having to drop hints. I like people who clean the kitchen and sinks after they cook and not sumbat everything into the fridge and then forget.

I like conscientious people who are afraid to gobble other people’s food without permission, knowing that it will all become darah daging, one day. I like people who can understand the fact that I sometimes need privacy and let me have it. I would like someone to understand that talking in the morning is not my forte, which is why I don’t go to work with my mother as I find comfort in silence and solace in solitude.

And I would like tidy, open-minded, tolerant and most importantly conscientious people who respect my space and whom I can trust to tell things to and cry my heart out to. Sounds so much like Mami, doesn’t it?

So, any takers?


this is my 150th post, btw. i don't know what the significance is but i see ppl getting excited at 100. so, i'm belated by 50 posts. and proud of it.

July 09, 2008

relaps(ation)e

bile rose in my throat. it was such a big, big ball that i suffocated.

don’t ask me why; i never know.

“do you remember when i held your hand at the hospital?”

i miss you.

“do you remember when i pecked your cheek after the operation?”

i miss you.

“do you remember the tears that fell on my face, the hurt in my eyes?”

i miss you.

and you still loved me in the morning. i miss you. and we made new promises. i miss you. do you remember?

i miss you.

so, i dialled and waited. please don’t tell me “please try later”, please. almost. it almost did.

but then, a voice came through. “i miss you.” after i hung up, my tearducts were overworking and i no longer had a functioning reservoir.

fat, salty drops of water started to form beneath my eyelids. and soon, it was a stream coming down my chubby cheeks.

and to think that i was just about 15 minutes away from work. i don’t know what got into me.

i’m going into a relapse. you must forgive me. the same dark and unconscious thoughts are reeling in my head like an old film.

but i did not let it get to me this time. i will stop wednesdays from haunting me no matter what. i’ll be better in time. i promise. it won't haunt me forever.

July 07, 2008

gained it... and random posts like always.

i just transfered some quite old photos from my camera.
i've been wanting to do it for quite some time but the lazy in me is definitely much stronger than my will.
padahal tasusah pon.

they're in no particular order. i always forget how it's supposed to be uploaded. latest first or oldest first. but never mind.

this is from one of my outings with fiqss. the burger i ate was so-so. so, i'm gona try something else next time i go. but the fries are to die for la weyh. sangat sedap ok the fat chips.

this is the i duno how manieth attempt at taking a decent photo. we've been out the entire day by the time we took this photo so takisa la with all the minyak and stuff on the face. ahha

visiting adik at college. she got no eyes issit? no la, she's just being silly. ahahah

this was at Ti Chal's place last weekend in Nina's room. we are a bunch of super-camwhores, i think we should make it a full time job, no?

darlings let's not grow up too fast. they are barely 20 and i look like one of them, yes? i know, i know, so perasan, but seriously. let us not grow up too fast and conquer crazy moments like this with happy hearts, with no regrets.

okay, okay. enough for now.

more camwhoring pictures later if i am rajin. i love the course that i am attending right now. seriously, i wanta be a student forever...

but seriously, i should get serious because i can't be that unless i wanta be broke forever too.

so, i will get down to serious work on wednesday.
and i need to lose weight.
tatipu.
i've finally gained it.
demmit.

July 06, 2008

mengapa saya tak update?

So, where have I been to?

Just so you know, the full time blogger addict has decided to take up a more full time, stable, serious and paying job at Level 6, Putrajaya.

I can’t say much about my new job because I’ve only been there 4 days. The workload isn’t terrible... yet! But I’m already anticipating stacks of files as I’ve been attached to Unit One, which is apparently one of the most buzzing units around (iye ke?), but like I said, I shall reserve my comments until I’ve been there longer, then only would I be justified to make any comments, if any.

What’s important now is that I’m not alone as almost all of my friends are there, which saves me from the heartache of having to go to lunch alone.

The drive to and from work isn’t a bad thing since the traffic isn’t crazy, but having lived just next to my uni for almost 5 years, I’m not sure how much longer I can take the many turnings I have to make now just to get to work. Such a waste of time, all that travelling, though I don’t really mind as for now. For now.

Actually, I should just stop talking about work because in all honesty, I am still in denial, and still scared like shit of entering the working life. I shall reserve my comments about work until I’m ready to talk and blog about it.

Weekends are the best times on earth!

We had dinner at Ti Chal’s yesterday and we met up with the cousins. We’re planning to get together for Farah’s birthday end of this month. We also took many silly photos together and a very silly video. But I’m not sure how much I want to expose since it’s sort of very incriminating.

And I think weekends have been especially reserved for outings with Mamita since I’ve been going out with her for the past 4 weekends or so. We watched Sepi, which is worth every penny that I spent because it’s just one of those Malay movies that you expect would be good but turned out to be great!

It’s almost like snippets of this movie plus that movie but with twists of its own. Very unpredictable and very heart-warming. It did get a tiny bit gory at one point and I wish that the girl behind me didn’t have to burst the bubble and spill the surprise. But nevermind, pity her she has a big blabbering mouth, cannot keep secret.

Other than that, I’m just enjoying the remainder of my weekend because I have a 2-day course starting tomorrow and more work after that. And forever and ever after that. Can I stay forever a student, but with money, please?